So you want to know the real secret to getting motivated? Like so many secrets to success, its very simple! The real secret to getting motivated is to clear the blocks. Yes that’s it. But let me explain why.
Clear your blocks to get motivated
Smart people know that Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool to achieving the things you want to in life and I often see clients who are looking for help with what they describe as a ‘lack of motivation’. Behind this lack of feeling motivated I have noticed the key themes of:
- Lack of confidence
- Disconnection with themselves
Now imagine trying to cook a meal in an untidy and dirty kitchen. You wouldn’t really want to would you? It would be difficult and not enjoyable. You would get in a flap moving things around, finding a place to put things and well it just wouldn’t feel good. That’s the equivalent of looking for a motivated feeling when the issues I listed above haven’t been dealt with.
All the issues on the list above cause procrastination and procrastination and feeling motivated are not a marriage made in heaven. Let’s look at them one by one.
A traditional coaching question for getting people motivated is ‘what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail’. Usually when I ask people this their eyes light up and they get excited about something. And then soon after asking the question they will try and dip into all the reasons they can’t or feel they shouldn’t do that. The reasons why will vary but the underlying theme is often a fear of failure. Failure is how we learn.
What if a baby gave up when it didn’t walk the first time it tried? And Edison, the inventor of the light bulb famously said “I have not failed 10,000 times, I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
Lack of confidence
Honestly, lack of confidence can stop the most qualified people from having success. It can stop people having fulfilling relationships and being able to show up in the world as themselves. If you are someone that sees other people doing things and you think you could have done it better it is probably confidence that has stopped you.
Lack of confidence is one of the easiest things to fix with Hypnosis and Coaching and like taking your driving test, you only need to do it once and you are set for a very long time. Once you enjoy the freedom and opportunities that come with increased confidence, you will not want to change it.
Perfectionism could be renamed as ‘not feeling good enough’. But it can stifle the best creators and keep people stuck. Life really is too short. Of course it’s important to do a good job and do things properly, but for some people they spend so long perfecting that nothing really ever gets finished. And during the time they have spent perfecting, things have changed so much that their thing isn’t really relevant or up to date anymore so off they go again changing, improving, perfecting, missing out…..
Nothing kills motivation faster than overwhelm. And wow we are surrounded. Battling inboxes, phones, standards, jobs, homes, family and friends. But if you have something you want to achieve you have to channel focus because your mind just can’t do a gazillion things at once. It’s not the way it’s designed and ‘good’ multi tasking doesn’t exist.
I use an amazing process in Hypnosis where we create a map of your objective and your unconscious mind will sort out any blocks to achieving it and give you an inner focus like never before.
Disconnection with yourself
Have you ever had instructions from someone that didn’t make sense? Isn’t it frustrating! Clarity makes things so much easier. But if you are not clear on who you are and what you want how will you be able to muster the motivation that you need? I love helping people get clear on their values (what is most important to them) and identity (I will ask you now to answer this question out loud…Who are you?).
When you get clear on yourself you will feel like anything is possible. Like searching for the right house and when you get it you just can’t stop thinking about it because it just feels so right.
Clear the blocks and the motivation will come, by the bucket load!
Don’t hang around, be an action taker and feel how good that feels! Here are things you can do right now.
Sending you fizzy energetic vibes,
I’m so excited to do this book review of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers because it is one of my all time favourite books. One everyone should read! Especially people who are scared of change and embracing the new.
Susan Jeffers (1938-2012) was an American best-selling author and sought-after public speaker. She appeared on many radio and television shows internationally. She saw herself as someone meant to do something in addition to raising a family. And boy did she, even thought at the time it was against society’s expectations.
When her children were young she attained a BA, Master’s Degree, and Doctorate in Psychology. She then became the Executive Director of The Floating Hospital, New York’s Ship of Health.
She survived a divorce, a mastectomy and a decade as a single working parent. She is a true example of someone who felt the fear but did it anyway.
She helped millions of people throughout the world overcome their fears, heal their relationships, and move forward in life with confidence and love.
Susan’s reading list
You only have to look at her recommended reading list to get a feeling for her and what she was all about. Here are some of the books from that list:
Susan explains how fear seems to be everywhere in our lives. We ‘fear beginnings and we fear endings’! We also fear:
- Staying the same
I see fear of these on a regular basis in my Hypnotherapy practice. People who want help getting through a job interview, exam or driving test have fear.
People who are ready to change their lives but are scared. People who have had enough are scared of what their lives have become and will continue to be.
Scared of not being about to lose the weight…scared of what they will do instead of smoking….. and anxiety is full of fear of course.
Teenagers who are scared of bullies or being themselves. I would say people are even scared to fully relax sometimes. And there is definitely fear around what others think.
But when you remove fear. You get better things in its place. You get power, energy and excitement.
Fear is an energy
Fear can be a useful response because it warns us of perceived danger and gives us a ‘boost’ to avoid getting hurt. Very useful for cavemen who had to avoid wild animals and also useful for that run you do to get out of the way of a car. But not always useful for some of life.
Level one fears are those on the surface
Susan lists fears are those that just happen like getting old, being alone or not having enough money.
And then fears that need action like changing career, losing weight or stating or ending relationships.
I would just like to make the point that fears do not need to be ‘big’ to feel big. The fear someone feels is not related to society’s perceived view of whether that is a justified fear. Fears that cause extreme fear are called phobias.
Level two fears are held within you. Susan gives examples of those as:
- Being rejected
- Being at risk
- Being tricked
- Being helpless
- Being disapproved of
- Losing yourself
These kind of fears are around your sense of sense and often difficult to understand on your own. They seep into all areas of your life and cause problems. This is what the self-help industry is built on. An of course, as a therapist, I help many clients with this sort of thing.
Susan then details level three fears under the title of ‘I can’t handle it!’
These fears are ‘major’ and will probably hold you back. They include feeling like you can’t handle:
- Being alone
- Your job
- Losing money
Do you have any level three fears and what impact are they having on your life? I can help you.
The good news is that Susan’s work aims to impart the knowledge and feelings which she poses as this question:
Question – If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possible have to fear?
Answer – NOTHING!
By lessening or removing your fear you gain more trust in the knowledge that you can handle anything that comes you way 🙂 Sounds great doesn’t it? As you continue to read the book (or listen to it as I did on a very long car journey!) you will feel this amazing sense that you can handle whatever comes your way. It is so empowering.
We believe what we tell ourselves
Our brains don’t know the difference between fact and fiction. So if you tell yourself good things, you will feel good. It is such a simple concept and one to teach your children for sure.
As Susan says in the book. We tell our children to be ‘careful’. This is giving messages that the world is full of danger. We say this because we don’t want them to hurt themselves and we will hurt too if anything happens to them. We are projecting our own fear onto them.
Can you imagine if Richard Branson had been fearful. Things would be very different.
If everyone had been to scared to go into space?
Or Columbus had been scared of sailing?
You can push through fear
There are many strategies for pushing through fear. Susan’s approach is to push through one fear, into the next! She sees the growth that this gives. I was looking at Amy Porterfield’s webpage recently and saw she has 250,000 Facebook fans! She does webinars to help people with their websites and stuff and I thought, I bet she felt nervous on her first webinar! But she has pushed through the fear each time.
Another example of pushing through fear is when people hold spiders to get rid of their fear of spiders. This can have some bad consequences (I know because I have had clients in my Hypnotherapy practice that I have had to sort out because they have done this). But for many people, this works!
Overcoming fears makes you feel good!
It is natural to feel fear when you have to do something you haven’t done before. Whether that’s having a baby or a job interview!
One of the truest things I feel Susan says in her book is ‘pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the constant fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness’. How true this is!
Your mind is amazingly powerful, brilliant and creative and as much as it comes up with wonderful ideas that are helpful, it can also really go to down with feeling fearful, catastrophising and making you dread things that could be wonderful and exciting for you.
Fears I help people with in my West Sussex Hypnotherapy practice
One of the best uses of Hypnotherapy is overcoming fear. Phobias are far more common than many people realise. It is estimated that more than 11% of the population have some kind of irrational fear. Here are some of the common fears I help people overcome:
- Public speaking
- Driving tests
Fear can stop you living the life you want to and doing things that you would enjoy or flourish at.
Get in touch and get rid of your fears and phobias today
I am ready and waiting to help you.
When I feel nervous about something I always think of that saying ‘it’s the things you didn’t do that you regret, not the things you did’.
So don’t regret not following me on Instagram or liking my Facebook page! See you there for inspiration and motivation 🙂
Self-care is a hot topic and the Spa is a booming industry but I want to explain why self-care is more than a Spa Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love a Spa and once spent a week at Champneys!
But the point I want to make in this blog is that twofold. Firstly, self-care is different things to everyone and secondly, small regular self-care is more beneficial for your mental health and more practical to incorporate into your busy life than a Spa Day..
What my friends said self-care is
I asked my Facebook friends of ways they self-care and here is what they said.
– Recognising the negative voice in your head isn’t you. And disowning it so you can be the real you ❤️
Self-care can be preventing stress
I once read that one of the biggest causes of stress is things that are broken or don’t work around the home. I agree! I’ve had a wobbly kitchen door for a long time and kept screwing it back in but it was never properly fixed and became irritating. Anyway it eventually fell off! So then I had a door-less cupboard which looked a bit strange. I had it fixed and for a couple of days kept admiring it. Who would have thought that a door could bring happiness?
And here are some practical ideas of self-care from me:
- Back up your computer. It can be a real trauma to lose your photos or work
- Store your photos in Dropbox or similar. Protect your treasure memories
- Online shopping – need I say more!
- Organise your wardrobe. Only have things that fir in your wardrobe so you don’t spend ages finding something to wear and feel bad about things that don’t fit right now
- Sort out your finances.
- Dal with letters ASAP
- Keep a calendar/diary
- Unsubscribe from emails that don’t add value to your life
- Subscribe to something that adds value to your life. That’s my FREE 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge
- Batch cook. Freeze some, eat some. Cost effective too.
- Declutter your house, create space
- Declutter your car, enjoy driving
- Declutter your loft, never panic about finding the Halloween stuff again
- Declutter your garage, yes you have 4 bicycle locks already
- Declutter your Facebook friends
- Declutter your Instagram
- Get your books on kindle
- Keep water and snacks in your car so you can always maintain your energy levels
And the best thing about self-care?
Self-care, like rest, is time for you. You enjoy your time and your life. To feed your joy. So it’s important to know how to do that! My theory is that people with a passion in life are very lucky.
I recently went to my favourite bird of prey centre and the passion the handlers have for their birds is amazing. They look them with love and one keeper said to his bird ‘come to daddy’! How wonderful to have an interest you never tire of and you love to bits. Not quite self-care but you get my drift?
When we understand what gives us joy, what makes up feel rested and happy. We can do it as often as we like 🙂
The list of things that gives us joy and makes us happy could be endless and they could be small things. Easy to do. Cheap or free. You’ve just got to experiment and find them. Children as very good at this. They are usually open minded and experimental. They try different clubs and hobbies to see what they enjoy and what they like the most. Children usually go where the fun (for them) is!
Take a little time for self-care today
What are you going to do to nurture and nourish yourself today? I would love to hear about it in the comments or share this blog with someone you care about so they can self-care before their next Spa Day.
I loved reading this book and so am doing a book review for Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Even the title ‘Rest’ helped me relax
Talk about Hypnotic suggestion. Every time I picked up the book, I knew I was reading ‘rest’ and I felt ‘rested’ as a result!
Alex opens the book by explaining how we see rest as the absence of work and not something in its own right. I think this is the case for many people. How about you?
He goes on to say that if you put so much of yourself into you work then when you cease to work, you cease to exist. This is a strong statement! We have all heard stories of people retiring and passing away shortly afterwards and this being put down to them ‘missing work’ and being without purpose’. But without the evidence, this statement lacks truth for me.
He does say that work can be as emotionally fulfilling as being in love. Can you relate to that?
However the book is focused on the principle that many extraordinary leaders, scientists, philosophers and creatives valued the importance of rest and worked better as a result of the way they practiced rest.
The right rest restores the mysterious part of the mind and we underestimate how much good as serious rest can do us. I call this ‘mysterious’ part of the mind the subconscious 🙂
He gives us confidence to allow ourselves to rest by explaining that we need to allow ourselves to rest and remove the guilt for doing it. ‘You have to take rest and protect it from a world that is intent on taking it’.
Ok then. We will 🙂
Rest is important for creativity
If you work at 110% all the time, how much will you give when extra is required? Or will you lack the energy to give it more? By balancing your energy levels you will have the fuel in the tank that you need to put the pedal to the metal!
But it’s more than that. When you rest, you access a different part of your brain even though you are resting, your brain is almost as active as when you are working hard on a problem. When you become active again, that ‘different’ part of your brain turns off again.
So what does that ‘different’ part of your brain do? It:
- Consolidates memories
- Makes sense of the past
- Searches for solutions to problems that your occupying your thoughts in your waking hours
I would call this part of the brain the subconscious mind. Alex explains how walks, art and music can wake ideas that are ‘slumbering’ there. Because when he talks about ‘rest’. He doesn’t mean lying down doing nothing, although that’s a pretty good way to rest!
He talks about rest being things that
- Relax you
- Detach you from work
- Let you spend your time in ways you enjoy
Take a break
No this isn’t a kit-kat advert. In his book, Alex mentions many tests to prove how breaks improve performance at work. He says ‘part of your mind is writing the next sentence, and the next paragraph, considering and discarding a thousand plot twists without you ever being aware of them’. For me this totally sums up the awesomeness that is our subconscious mind. It works away doing all kind of amazing things for us which we are never even aware of!
Alex talks about the importance of learning to monitor your attention and energy as this is a life skill that will serve you well.
Cats have the right idea about naps
Churchill took naps. Kennedy and Einstein too. But why? In case you didn’t know, a 20 minute nap can restore depleted energy and a nap of more than an hour takes you into REM state sleep and will help you remember more.
What you need to know if the ‘work’ is more important to you than that the ‘rest’
Cambridge mathematician John Littlewood said even for people whose mind naturally gravitate towards work, having clear boundaries between periods of work and rest allows them to get more from each. ‘It is too easy when tired to fritter a whole day but never getting properly down to it. You get nothing done and get no rest or relaxation’. Is that ringing any bells for you?
Walk the talk
I didn’t expect walking to be in a book about rest but it totally makes sense. Danish Philosopher Soven Kierkegaard said ‘I have walked my way into my best thoughts’. Have you ever had that experience?
Some companies have walking meetings now which are said to be good for solving problems, discussing, bouncing ideas and eliminating distractions. Steve Jobs did it. There is evidence that your mind becomes calmer when walking through parks and green spaces. In tests 81% of students did better in tests when walking.
Plus walking in autumn is absolutely glorious, So let’s get out there!
Let your subconscious mind do its work, so that you can do yours
I’ve long had a view that the Corporate work place is outdated. Many organisations are proud of themselves for offering flexible working. But the whole concept of work needs to be rethought out if we want to continue to evolve as a forward thinking society. By understanding how our minds work at their best and how to exploit our energy to be our very best selves, productivity and mental health will be much healthier.
No wonder so many corporate workers are so stressed. The way that they are working is not allowing them to rest or flourish. ‘Workers with little control feel more stress because controlling your time is liberating and restorative’.
But businesses are missing a trick because employees that ‘rest’ well are:
- Better employees
- Better at dealing with challenges
- Better colleagues
- More able to focus intensively on work tasks
And let’s not forget the 2 million entrepreneurs that are beavering away and want to succeed and so don’t take rest seriously for fear of missing an opportunity. Many entrepreneurs that I know are so passionate about their business they love working!
How good at resting are you?
As someone who has suffered from fatigue in the past, I rate energy very high in my list of priorities and try to manage it wisely. I really enjoyed this book as it had the right balance of brain talk, stats and common sense for my liking.
I would love to hear your thoughts or tips on how you achieve good rest in the comments if you have time. Do you rest or are you pushing yourself too hard?
Sending you restful vibes.
In this post I am going to explain the secret of why you feel emotions that you don’t understand. And I want you to share this information with as many people as possible because it really could save a lot of heartache.
We all have two minds…
Did you know that your mind has two parts? The conscious and the subconscious. The conscious mind could be called the more rational. It makes decisions based on logic and chooses our behaviour. Most of the time in day to day life we operate in a conscious state. The conscious part of our brain is the smaller less powerful part (although still very powerful!). The conscious part lets us work, study, operate on a daily basis.
The dominant part of the mind is the subconscious. We access the subconscious naturally when we ‘daydream’ or drift off to sleep. The subconscious is powerful when we dream. It tries to make sense of all the information it has absorbed or is processing.
The subconscious is like a blank canvas when we are born. We take in around 2 million pieces of information a day, which is far too much for the conscious mind to process. So the subconscious stores in using sight, smell, taste, sound and feelings. It codes our life experiences in this way which is why both good and bad experiences can have smells or noises attached to them. All this goes on automatically so we don’t really have much control about our built in ‘coding’.
So the phrase ‘in two minds’ is literally that. When we are making a decision we might use the conscious mind to think about it logically, but the subconscious mind will be the more feeling part. Kind of like head and heart centred thinking.
How you can harness the power of your subconscious mind….
Your subconscious is there to protect you and always acts in the way it thinks is best for you. This can become a problem if its ‘coding’ is not helpful. For example, it has learnt that when you are scared or worried you should have a panic attack, or when you are sad you should eat for comfort. People get confused about why they are behaving in a way that is not helpful or they can’t control. This is because the subconscious is the more powerful force and is leading behaviour and emotion.
You can use will power to try and beat an issue, but will power comes from the conscious mind so may only be temporary. Long lasting change needs to be made in the subconscious.
To access the subconscious mind and make changes you need to relax the conscious mind. You can do this with Hypnotherapy (trance hypnosis) or NLP (waking hypnosis). Once the conscious mind is relaxed, the subconscious is present and changes can be made. Sort of like recoding (in a safe and pleasant way).
You will experience wonderful relaxing feelings and connect to the subconscious part of your mind. The part that seems to be on a whole different level and you experience different thoughts that sometimes you can’t even put into words.
The reason you have emotions that you don’t understand
Because your subconscious is accessed by bypassing your conscious mind, when you rationally try and understand why you feel how you feel, the true reason may not be apparent because it is buried in the subconscious.
This is often the case for people who have experienced trauma that bury that stuff so deep inside, they never really think about it.
Sometime the case with grief too.
Because no one really likes pain do they. (Well maybe those lot on Ninja Warrior but not the rest of us!). So the good old subconscious (remember always aiming to look after you) buries that deep down inside. But as the saying goes, the truth will always out and oops there it is….
How the problem presents itself….
Now I have a fair few years as a therapist under my belt but I never assume because the subconscious is super clever and even my client may not understand the processing that takes place.
But what I can tell you is that behind most issues that we face there is an emotion and emotions are held where? In the subconscious!
Here are some the things that I see clients for where there are obvious and less obvious emotional connections:
Depression – often linked to emotions in the past that can be cleared up
Weight loss – often linked to emotions about self esteem
Anxiety – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep
Smoking – surprisingly often linked to the emotion that drives the habit rather than the nicotine addiction
Confidence – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep
Sleep – often linked to an emotions
Stress – often linked to the emotions of overwhelm and being out of control
So what can you do to feel better?
Many people get advice from their doctor first and some end up on medication or anti depressants. some seek counselling or Pychotherapy.
It isn’t as simple as saying to the subconscious ‘change this’. The subconscious is like a child. It needs to believe what is being said, it needs to feel its the right thing to do. It needs to buy into it and the conscious mind has to also want the change (that is usually the case where someone has got to the point they seek help unless there is a secondary gain).
A good Hypnotherapist or NLP Master Practitioner will work with you to make the changes to the emotions that drive the behaviours that made you seek help.
I call it ‘soothing and smoothing’. Sooth the pain and smooth the trigger and issue, Job done. Feel better 🙂
I am even able to work content free by working directly with the subconscious without talking about the issue specifically. I don’t need to know the issue/trauma necessarily but the subconscious does.
Children operate in the subconscious a lot! They have wonderful imagination and intuition. They respond to stories which appeal to the subconscious and significant changes can be made to their lives, meaning happier childhoods and lasting change through to adulthood.
The subconscious is also like a sponge for storing positivity as well as negativity. So accessing your subconscious and pumping it full of lovely positivity is really cool. This is what successful people do regularly! Just ask Tony Robbins 🙂
Get in touch so I can help you or your child.
I use Hypnotherapy, NLP, Reiki and life coaching to help children over 5 and adults overcome problems and issues. I work face to face in Lancing, Worthing, Shoreham and Brighton and worldwide on Skype. I love talking to people and would happy to have a chat with you about how I could help you or your child.