Sweet and sour
The other day I heard some children talking about peoples’ reactions when they played their game of sweet and sour.
Apparently sweet and sour game is where you sit in the back of a Volvo and wave at strangers in others cars. If they wave back they are sweet and if they don’t they are sour! I heard about how one man had showed them a doughnut and another man did a salute. They thought this was great. Children find lots of ways to have fun for free.
Adults can have fun for free too. You might get some funny looks if you play sweet and sour but here are some ideas of things you can do for free.
- Go to the sea
- Take a course, there are free courses available at future learn
- Cook something or invent a new dish
- Cloud watch…….. Oh sorry I’m back. I just got distracted by some clouds!
- Put some of your favourite photos in a collage
- Read. Even if you hate reading there must be a book that you would enjoy. There are sites that find books you might like. Try whatshouldireadnext
- Music changes your mood in 3 seconds. Choose a belter and sing your heart out. These girls are funny!
- Be a tourist in your own city. I did this recently in Brighton and had a lot of fun
- Make your Family tree. Free at most libraries
- Walk in nature
- Go window shopping to see what you don’t need to buy!
- Create something. A scarf, pen pot, book, shed
- Find a group near you on Meet Up. If you can think of it, there’s a group for it!
- Watch inspiring Ted talks
- Look at some art to inspire you or make you wonder what it is!
- Explore. On foot. On a bike. In the car
- Try creative writing or even a blog
- Create a new outfit out of your existing clothes
- Watch animals
- Learn a new skill
- Try some adult colouring
- Create a mission for yourself – maybe see all the Royal Parks or local parks in your area? Visit all the libraries? Find the local markets?
- Help someone else – Radio 1 have a great thing at the moment where you can give an hour to help others
- Grow something
You will notice that most of these you can do alone. This is because if you make your own fun and happiness first, you become self-sufficient in your happiness and rarely bored and lonely.
I would love to hear your ideas of free things to do. Please add them to the comments and share them!
Here’s the plan:
- Read your gratitude list often
- Make sure Mind COP is on patrol
- Pick one list from the list, do it and see how you feel
- Feel free to share this post on facebook or twitter!
- Like me on facebook
Happy hug 🙂
Is this your Mind COP?
Yesterday you met your own mind COP by imagining what you mind COP looked like, sounds like, wears…
Maybe one of these?
Today we are going to look at how your mind COP will catch those criminal negative thoughts and keep your mind safe. For the past week you have been keeping a note of your negative mind chatter in your notebook. Now is the time to have a good look at what you have written and start working on making some changes to how that chatter might make you feel bad.
Let’s see mind COP in action.
Catch them: You’ve been catching mind chatter for nearly a week. You should have a pretty good idea of what yours is saying to you and who your criminals are.
Own them: These are your thoughts. You created them. You can acknowledge them. Consider them and choose whether to discard them or whether to arrest them.
Protect yourself: You protect yourself by arresting the negative thoughts, examining the evidence and deciding whether to charge them or give them a warning.
Here’s an example based on the losing your job example negative thoughts we looked at yesterday. Read each thought from left to right to see how Mind COP works.
|‘I should have worked harder’
||I did work hard though
||Maybe they didn’t really appreciate me?
|‘Why didn’t I take that course to learn more’
||I did a lot of development in that role
||This is a chance to learn something new
|‘I’m no good’
||Is everything I’ve ever done no good?
||I’ve achieved a lot
||With those that love me?
||I matter to the people that matter to me
||I was one of 10
||I will find a better fit
|‘I’m not clever’
||I was the problem solver
||I need a new challenge
|‘I’ll never get another job’
||Have you tried?
||I wonder what job I will love?
You can see how Mind COP is examining each thought and looking at it in a different way. One thought does not make a truth. One thought may seek evidence from the subconscious to support it, but Mind COP doesn’t fall for this.
Mind COP is objective and realizes that thoughts tell stories but their alibi is weak when questioned. Mind COP wants to hear from the witnesses and sort out those criminal negative thoughts.
You tell fibs
You see when you tell think a negative thought it’s probably not true and your Mind Cop might make this face!
So the next time those pesky criminal negative thoughts are doing a ‘wrong un’ in your mind, just see them scarper when Mind COP comes along and bangs them to rights.
Your time is precious, don’t waste it
How much of your precious life are you going to spend thinking negatively?
Think about it, how much time are you going to think about negative situations, obsess about the things that went wrong it your life, worry about things that happen or might never happen? Two hours a day? Which is 14 hours a week. Which is 60 hours a month. Which is 730 hours a year. Which is 30 DAYS A YEAR of feeling bad. What could you do in 30 days? A lot! In our example of losing the job, that is 30 days of enjoying the freedom of not working and exploring options for a new career whilst feeling happier.
Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and change. By learning to manage your thoughts you will be more resilient in the tough times and happier on the whole. You are not your past, your current situation or what people say about you. You are so much more than that and you can shine.
- Write your own table of negative mind chatter in the same format as above and set your mind COP to work
- Read your gratitude list often
- See you tomorrow
Happy hug 🙂
Wow, there is a lot of excitement in the air today on this, Black Friday, but here is why Black Friday won’t make you happy.
A plethora of good and services
Do you like choice? Or does it confuse and overwhelm you? I know for many of my clients they suffer from overwhelm and feel desperate to declutter and simplify their lives and minds.
When you are surrounded by stuff it will add to feelings of stress and confusion. It also affects the flow of energy in your home which is what Feng Shui is all about. And have you every noticed how well your personal energy flows when your home is clean and tidy? Some decluttering experts such as Mary Kondo will advise you to only have things in your home that you really love and bring you pleasure. This is a lovely concept as it means whatever you use or look at in your home will bring you joy. Bringing joy into your life is a big part of my work with helping clients overcome depression.
So this Black Friday there might be some offers for things you have been thinking of buying for a while, or want to buy as a gift for Christmas like:
But can I suggest that you don’t get sucked into buying things that have no use or you have never considered yourself needing before, as these are likely to be the things that bring short term happiness (if any at all).
Shopping in a pastime enjoyed by many (or even most people). We ‘treat’ ourselves to pretty things, tasty things and things that excite or interest us. Things that we can wear to make us ‘feel good’. Things to make our home ‘look good’ and gadgets to make life ‘easier’.
For some, shopping feels like love.
This is because shopping briefly lights up the ‘reward centre’ of your brain. In simple terms, your brain is designed to seek pleasure or avoid pain.
To satisfy your brains need for pleasure, it works in a cycle of desire, action and satisfaction. An example of this could be wanting positive feedback from someone, doing something for them and getting the feedback which makes you feel good. When you feel good from the feedback your brain lights up its pleasure circuit and this makes you want to do it again. This is called positive reinforcement. Think children and animals here. When you positively reinforce good behaviour they are more likely to do it again.
Shopping lights up most people’s pleasure circuit. But is it enough to make you happy at a deeper level? Or is this happiness short lived? Let’s explore that.
Short term feelings of happiness
Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who created the pyramid below now known as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
The pyramid reflects that as complex beings, we need more than just the basics. Yes we need shelter and food. But then we move into the more emotional levels of love, self esteem and our own personal potential and fulfilment.
I see a lot of clients who need help with life direction. Often in their forties or fifties, they’ve worked, raised families, had relationships or marriages and on paper have what look to be successful and fortunate lives. But they are not happy. They don’t know who they are anymore and what the rest of their life will be like. They feel empty, lost and confused. This is to do with not operating in the top of Maslow’s triangle and don’t worry, after 4 sessions and a deep dive into themselves, they are right as rain.
So you see, shopping doesn’t really touch many of the levels of Maslow’s triangle which is why yes it may feels great in the short term, but because it hasn’t fulfilled you on an emotional level, you feel may feel empty and sad still, despite some wonderful Black Friday deals.
Feelings of emptiness
I would suggest that Cyber Monday was created to address the lull and emptiness that Black Friday might create. All that excitement on Black Friday, hunting deals, comparing features, accessing which colour will work best and then it stops. Oh no, all the website timers are at 0 and there are no more deals. But wait! You can do it all again on Cyber Monday and feed your reward centre once more. Hoorah. And then Tuesday comes 🙁
To address feelings of emptiness many people self-medicate with food, cigarettes, sex, alcohol, drugs or other things. Like shopping, these things do not address your emotional needs for satisfaction. You need to go inside and understand what makes you tick, what fulfils and motivates you. When you know these things, you can live a life that has these things in and lights up your pleasure centres. My work with clients is all about this which I call ‘finding your joy’. I know it can seem hard when it’s not happening but it is possible, I promise.
My Black Friday offer
The intention of this post was to show you that ‘stuff’ might not be the answer to your happiness. But can the same be said for experiences? In 2015, I had a whole year of not buying any stuff and spent by money on experiences instead. Wow that was a great year. And I have the photos to prove it lol.
Because I am a Hypnotherapist (I’ve started to say with knobs on because what I do is use a number of techniques to get best outcomes for my clients) what I offer you is life changing. A deep dive into self to overcome issues that hold you back and create the motivation, confidence and direction for your wonderful future.
So this Black Friday I invite you to pick up the phone, call me 07530 890089 and have your free 20 minute consultation. If you decide to book in for some sessions, you might not even notice next Black Friday as you may just be living your dream.
Sending you happy vibes.
Who is Mary Kondo?
I’m currently reading ‘that’ book about decluttering. It’s called ‘Spark Joy’ by Mary Kondo. she is a tidying and de-cluttering specialist. As a Hypnotherapist, what strikes me when I read it, is how nice making space is. She is helping people have space in their house which is a great feeling.
And she helps people get rid of broken things, things from the past that are not needed anymore. And she also encourages people only to keep things that give them joy.
Do you need to declutter your mind?
There are so many synergies between a tidy home and a tidy mind. If your mind is cluttered, it doesn’t feel nice and you can’t think straight. You might feel confused, dizzy and stressed. It might affect your sleep, temper and decision making. But how do you tidy your mind and create space?
One of the most common phrases I hear from clients is ‘I think too much’. We are a thinking species and very good at it, but what they mean is their mind is so busy that they feel muddled. Their minds do not have space to organize thoughts and sort the useful ones out.
Some of the work we have done so far in this programme has helped with identifying your mind chatter and change the feelings that your negative mind chatter creates. But no doubt there will be other stuff in your mind which you may need to de-clutter to create space.
But why do you hold onto this mind clutter?
- Is it a habit and you just don’t know how to be different?
- Are you scared deep down of moving on and facing changes? If you let go of your thinking who are you really? And what might you really want? And what will you think and do instead?
- People with cluttered minds know they want to feel different and when this feeling gets strong… the feeling of wanting to move away from the bad feelings and move toward something different. That’s usually when they seek help
What would decluttering your mind feel like?
If you had space in your mind you would:
- Feel more relaxed
- Be more creative
- Feel more in control
- Have more head space to focus on the really important things
- Be able to prioritise more easily
- Be easier to be around
- Sleep better
Is your mind full of junk?
Could you imagine if you kept all the possessions you had acquired throughout your life? Your home would be bulging! You wouldn’t be able to move or clean. A good de-clutter feels good and the same is true for your mind. Some people like to talk over their thoughts with a coucellor and a lot of people have CBT and I see a lot of clients who have tried these treatments.
What’s different about Hypnotherapy is it actually changes how you feel, without talking about things for hours. It teaches you how to relax and find calm yourself after your sessions have ended. You will find a deeply calm place within in you which once you have connected with, comes automatically into your life. As if you were designed that way.
Here’s the plan:
- Experience relaxation and mind de-cluttering for free. Sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of this blog or on my website to receive a free relaxing download.
Happy hug 🙂
Do you feel like a misfit?
Many people feel like they are ‘misfits’. Different to others. Like they don’t fit it. Do you feel like that?
Has it caused you to distance yourself from others? Keep yourself to yourself for fear or being judged or criticised? Maybe you feel awkward? Or wish that you were different in some way?
Feeling different can lead to isolation or negative feelings about yourself. This is because you are allowing negative thoughts to become negative feelings. ‘Misfits’ can find themselves wasting years feeling bad about not fitting in or not being ‘good enough’
Although everyone is unqiue, there are some people that are abstract. Maybe you’ve been called ‘quirky’?
How wonderful! Lucky you 🙂
In life today everyone is looking for the next new thing. Something that makes them different. Have you noticed lots of people with blue hair recently?
New foods from far flung countries fill the supermarkets….
TV shows with new ideas
New different fashion
The latest games… Pokemon go anyone?
But when it comes to people are you scared to be different? Why not embrace your uniqueness? Be comfortable with it? Although there really is no such thing as an ordinary person, it’s important to shine your light and feel good about doing so. After all, wouldn’t life be boring if there was only one flavour, one colour, one size, one texture, one smell or one emotion!
Embrace your quirks
Here’s some ways you can be more comfortable with your uniqueness:
- Stop trying to fit in with things that make you uncomfortable. Find the places you like being, that make you feel good
- Spend time around people that get you. See your good points and value you for who you are. Not make fun, criticise you or make you feel bad about yourself
- Don’t judge others and you will feel less judged yourself. When we judge others we are holding them up against our own values and beliefs, not accepting them for who they are or seeing all sides to them
- Stop comparing yourself to others
- Accept yourself and celebrate your quirks
The misfits myth
Here’s a great Ted Talk from Lidia Yuknavitch who didn’t believe how wonderful she was for many years because she felt like a misfit. She reads this poem which is lovely.
Even at the moment of your failure, right there.
You are beautiful.
You don’t know it yet but you have the ability to re-invent yourself endlessly, that’s the beauty.
You can be a drunk, a survivor of abuse, you can be an ex con, you can be a homeless person.
You can lose all your money, or your job, or your husband or your wife or the worse thing of all, a child.
You could even lose your marbles.
You can be standing dead centre of all your failure and still I am only here to tell you, you are so beautiful.
Your story deserves to be heard, because you, you rare and phenomenal misfit, you new species.
Are the only one in the room that can tell the story the way you would.
And I would be listening
Here’s the deal:
- Make a list people that value your uniqueness
Happy hug J