The other day I heard some children talking about peoples’ reactions when they played their game of sweet and sour.
Apparently sweet and sour game is where you sit in the back of a Volvo and wave at strangers in others cars. If they wave back they are sweet and if they don’t they are sour! I heard about how one man had showed them a doughnut and another man did a salute. They thought this was great. Children find lots of ways to have fun for free.
Adults can have fun for free too. You might get some funny looks if you play sweet and sour but here are some ideas of things you can do for free.
Yesterday you met your own mind COP by imagining what you mind COP looked like, sounds like, wears…
Maybe one of these?
Today we are going to look at how your mind COP will catch those criminal negative thoughts and keep your mind safe. For the past week you have been keeping a note of your negative mind chatter in your notebook. Now is the time to have a good look at what you have written and start working on making some changes to how that chatter might make you feel bad.
Let’s see mind COP in action.
Catch them: You’ve been catching mind chatter for nearly a week. You should have a pretty good idea of what yours is saying to you and who your criminals are.
Own them: These are your thoughts. You created them. You can acknowledge them. Consider them and choose whether to discard them or whether to arrest them.
Protect yourself: You protect yourself by arresting the negative thoughts, examining the evidence and deciding whether to charge them or give them a warning.
Here’s an example based on the losing your job example negative thoughts we looked at yesterday. Read each thought from left to right to see how Mind COP works.
‘I should have worked harder’
I did work hard though
Maybe they didn’t really appreciate me?
‘Why didn’t I take that course to learn more’
I did a lot of development in that role
This is a chance to learn something new
‘I’m no good’
Is everything I’ve ever done no good?
I’ve achieved a lot
With those that love me?
I matter to the people that matter to me
I was one of 10
I will find a better fit
‘I’m not clever’
I was the problem solver
I need a new challenge
‘I’ll never get another job’
Have you tried?
I wonder what job I will love?
You can see how Mind COP is examining each thought and looking at it in a different way. One thought does not make a truth. One thought may seek evidence from the subconscious to support it, but Mind COP doesn’t fall for this.
Mind COP is objective and realizes that thoughts tell stories but their alibi is weak when questioned. Mind COP wants to hear from the witnesses and sort out those criminal negative thoughts.
You tell fibs
You see when you tell think a negative thought it’s probably not true and your Mind Cop might make this face!
So the next time those pesky criminal negative thoughts are doing a ‘wrong un’ in your mind, just see them scarper when Mind COP comes along and bangs them to rights.
Your time is precious, don’t waste it
How much of your precious life are you going to spend thinking negatively?
Think about it, how much time are you going to think about negative situations, obsess about the things that went wrong it your life, worry about things that happen or might never happen? Two hours a day? Which is 14 hours a week. Which is 60 hours a month. Which is 730 hours a year. Which is 30 DAYS A YEAR of feeling bad. What could you do in 30 days? A lot! In our example of losing the job, that is 30 days of enjoying the freedom of not working and exploring options for a new career whilst feeling happier.
Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and change. By learning to manage your thoughts you will be more resilient in the tough times and happier on the whole. You are not your past, your current situation or what people say about you. You are so much more than that and you can shine.
Write your own table of negative mind chatter in the same format as above and set your mind COP to work
Making friends with your mind is one of the most important things you can do. The mind is the power force of you. It can help you in ways you wouldn’t think possible. Who would’t want a friend like that?
Too much information!
As a baby you were born with only 2 fears; falling and loud noises. You then learnt everything else through your experiences. But because there was simply too much information, you ‘coded’ a lot of it with sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feelings. This coding is held in your subconscious mind (for more information on the subconscious mind see my previous blog https://honeylansdowne.co.uk/the-power-of-your-subconcious-mind). So your mind has fears, doubts, worries and beliefs that you didn’t even put there! However the good news is that the subconscious is a ‘good guy’ and always acts in what it believes to be your best interests even if it does get confused sometimes. (A bit like a friend that sets you up on a date with someone that’s not your type, or the kids help you ‘tidy up’ and you can’t find anything for weeks).
So the conscious mind might think ‘I can’t do this, I’m not good enough’ and off the subconscious puppy goes, tail wagging, to get all the evidence from your life to support that thought. There was the time you came 4th place in the competition at school, the time you were in the last two for a job but the other person got it, the time when the person you fancied didn’t fancy you back etc. etc. (I’m using light examples but most people have things more serious than this).
All this evidence then makes the thought feel truer, really real and that thought feels like a fact. The thought creates the feelings and you feel bad because ‘you can’t do this, you are not good enough’. OH REALLY?! What about the time you were a pillar of strength for a friend, or that thing you made/did that was admired by many, or the many other times you were brave, kind, clever, strong or whatever? They’ve been overlooked haven’t they because the conscious thought told the puppy to look for ‘I can’t do this, I’m not good enough’. And quite frankly the puppy has bought back a pile of sticks.
A simple understanding of how your brain works is as valuable as a simple understanding of how your mobile works!
So what I am saying here is when a negative thought comes into your mind, your mind looks for evidence to make it ‘true’. This makes the thought stronger and the bad feelings stronger and more ‘real’. When you’re thinking this way, you are wrapped up in yourself, away from life, away from opportunities of happiness and feeling good.
Here’s the plan:
Continue to catch your negative mind chatter – are you noticing a key theme or time it occurs yet?
Monitor the amount of time you think negatively
Start to acknowledge that when a thought comes in, it may not be true 🙂
I will need to exercise some self-control in writing this blog, or we could end up with a very long blog! I learnt a long time ago to be less judgemental because working with people I know that not everything is as it seems.
A large part of my work is helping people become more confident, increase their self-esteem and cover what I call ‘work of the self’. This is helping people to understand themselves better through uncovering their values and finding their identity so they can be ‘comfortable in their own skin’. The benefits of this are that they can be more confident in and live their life in a way that feels good for them.
It’s much easier to make the right decisions when you know yourself and the world can see the real you. Everything changes.
What happens when we judge others?
So back to judging others… When we judge others it does two things.
1 – It holds that person up against our own values and beliefs. It has nothing to do with who they are! I’m going to give you some scenarios and I want you to just see what enters your head as I say these things.
2 – It puts bad thoughts in your mind which will make you feel bad
Think about how you might judge these people
A married couple that live apart
Someone that loves to socialise to the point where they spend all their money on it
Someone that is very prudent and rarely ‘splashes out’
Someone that works a lot and is often away from home
Some that does not work
Someone that wears revealing clothes
The thing is you don’t know anything about these people. They might be pure of heart or not, you don’t know. They might be generous or kind, you don’t know. They might be gentle, rich, poor, stressed, depressed, worried…..
Don’t hate the rice!
Judging others does is puts thoughts in your mind which damage your self-esteem. I don’t know if you have ever seen the Rice Consciousness experiment, inspired by Dr Masaru Emoto but it’s fascinating.
By labelling one jar ‘hate’ and the other ‘love’, the rice in the hate jar rots away while the rice in the love jar stays fresh. And this isn’t the only time this has been done. It has been done numerous times with different substances.
So if you think bad thoughts, you will probably feel bad inside (even though you might not consciously connect this). If you think good thoughts, you will feel better. Simples.
And when you judge others less, you will feel less judged yourself. Because if you haven’t having those thoughts about other people why would they be having them about you?
Find the gold
Here are my top tips for not judging others:
Listen to what other people say. Don’t judge them on their clothes, hair, car job. Listen and see them for who they are
Be open minded about new people. They might not look like your ‘type’ of person but they might be the best thing since sliced bread
Don’t go on first impressions. I know they are said to be important but they are just a snapshot of someone at one particular time. Everyone is multi faceted and different situations make people behave differently. If someone is suffering from anxiety or depression, you won’t see the best of them at that time.
Don’t let someone else’s opinion of someone get in the way of you forming your own
Look for things you like about someone rather than something you don’t
Find the gold in someone. What makes their eyes light up? A loved one, a hobbie, holidays? Whatever it is, when you see them talk about it watch them shine and see the best of them
Check your words before they come out of your mouth.Just like you would check an email before sending it. Try and be kind.
Here’s the plan:
Be less judgemental and see if it makes a difference to how you feel and your map of the world
Do you need help?
If you feel judged yourself, that is an indication of low confidence and self-esteem so please get in touch for a free consultation to see how I can help you.
The highest rising demand for my services is with teenage girls. I’m finding they really worry about being judged in terms of are they cool enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Social media like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Pinterest really feeds these insecurities and affects their self-esteem. I work with them to help them like themselves and become more resilient.
Rebecca Boulton is a Nutritional Therapist from Yorkshire and runs Simple & Clean nutrition. She provides Nutritional Coaching for busy women struggling with hormonal imbalances who want to transform their bodies, health and lives with simple diet changes. So what food does Rebecca eat? Here she tells us.
The Day In a Life of a Nutritional Therapist
My day always starts with a large glass of tepid water with a squeeze of fresh lemon and apple cider vinegar to help kickstart my digestion and support the liver. The best way to have this is on an empty stomach. I make sure I stay hydrated throughout the rest of the day with plenty of water, green and peppermint tea. I love coffee and for me it’s the hardest thing to give up, but I am quite sensitive it and it sends me cortisol levels up so I only have 1 (2 max) cups a day. I have good quality fresh coffee with coconut oil to help calm the nervous system and for some healthy fats.
I get up before the kids so I can get some exercise in and also do some meditation and journaling while I have some peace. I meet a friend at 6am twice a week for a HiiT workout and then a couple of days I do kettlebells in my garage. I’m a bit lazy so I like the quick workouts which give maximum results and those work best for me. Other days I’ll just have a bit of a stretch to wake myself up! I’m not naturally a morning person but I find this helps me start the day calm and energised instead of rushing around stressed out trying to fit everything in like I used to!
Breakfast is usually a green smoothie (with extra protein powder like Sunwarrior or Purition for workout days to help with recovery) made with spinach or kale, some berries or half a banana, almond milk and some flaxseeds and chia seeds. Often I add in some cacoa powder for magnesium or spirulina if I need an iron boost. So, I don’t wake the kids, I make it up the night before and store in the fridge as my nutribullet is pretty noisy and I don’t want to disturb them (or my peaceful morning!).
I’ll follow the smoothie with either some scrambled eggs with avocado and spinach or homemade muesli with yoghurt and berries. For me, breakfast is the biggest meal of the day as that is when I am most hungry!
I understand the importance of mindful eating
Once I’ve got the kids to school, I spend the rest of the morning at my desk until lunchtime. I usually break about midday and have a walk around, stretch off and some lunch. Long gone are the days of scoffing a sandwich at my desk without even noticing what I’m eating, while still working!
Nowadays I understand the importance of mindful eating and ensuring I focus on what I’m eating and when I’m full up. One of the things I’ve found with my clients is that they are no longer able to recognise the signs and just eat until they have emptied their plate. Stepping away from your desk and taking time to breathe and relax is also important for you mentally and emotionally in helping to reduce overwhelm and stress.
Lunch is an omelette (if I haven’t had eggs for breakfast!), a salad with chicken, salmon or prawns or some quinoa with roasted vegetables. I plan all my meals in advance and pre-prepare as much as I can which always helps me make better choices. I take a couple of hours at a weekend or after school to prep veg, chicken, fish, make a healthy cake or muffins and protein balls to keep in the fridge. It saves time, money and stress!
After I’ve picked the kids up, we always have an after school snack (usually oatcakes and hummus, fruit with some nuts or a Nak’d bar if we’re in a hurry). We often go a long time between lunch and dinner and it’s important to make sure your blood sugars don’t crash as this can make you tired, irritable and find it difficult to concentrate. As I don’t normally eat until 8pm I need something to keep me going or I am grumpy mum and just want a snooze on the sofa.
Dinner is usually fish or chicken with roasted vegetables, a stir fry or a curry. We’re big fans of the quick and easy option. I also love my slow cooker and use to make big batches of chilli, stews and roasting joints of meat.
For me, it’s all about keeping it as simple as possible, being prepared so I get everything my body needs without it taking over my life, and allowing room for the odd chocolate, glass of wine or meal out!
Today’s guest blogger is vegetarian Maggie Albrecht who is a certified NLP Trainer, Coach, mBIT Coach, Advanced Law of Attraction Practitioner and Reiki healer from London. She is the owner of Life Redefined.
You are what you eat
How often do you hear the phrase ‘you are what you eat’? When I first heard it, years ago, I thought well that can’t be… What? I’m am big old hamburger wandering around? That must mean that every time I eat something, I change, and that doesn’t make any sense. How can eating something change who I am? Well I’ve done a little adapting myself since those days.
I’ve learnt lots (still an infinite amount to continue learning) and realised that yes, we are what we eat. I know if I go through a period of eating lots of sugary stuff or highly processed food, then I’ll really lack in energy afterwards. I feel hungover without the pleasure of having experienced the alcohol!
Why I am a vegetarian
When I was younger I used to be a vegetarian. 8 years without meat until a fateful girls weekend away in Barcelona when I was 21. Most veggies who relent say it was a bacon sandwich. Mine was a whole chicken, there was even a stunning photo of me, shoving the chicken carcass into my face so I didn’t miss anything. Nice.
Fast forward 18 years and I’ve recently become a vegetarian again. I’m learning so much about energies and how everything is interconnected, that I don’t want to eat meat or fish again. I just don’t want to cause pain. Purely personal, I don’t judge what others eat. Eating another species is survival, I’m not against it, it’s just that I won’t die if I don’t get that steak, but something else will.
Does veganism call? Not sure yet. Will see what happens. The point is, I feel better in myself. Not necessarily because I’m not eating meat but because I’m not feeling bad or have guilt attached to what I’m eating in the same way anymore.
The power of your thoughts
You might have heard of Dr Emoto and his water experiments. If not then you can easily find further info online. He conducted experiments with water to show how powerful thoughts were, and how they could change molecular structure. Part of the experiment was to talk to water in different ways. Some samples were told they were loved, some that they were hated or made a person feel sick.
For the purpose of this article, to make it easier to explain, let’s use the labels good and bad thoughts. The water was then frozen and the molecules studied under a microscope. Those subjected to ‘good’ thoughts were beautifully formed. The molecules subjected to the ‘bad’ thoughts were all twisted and ugly. For the sake of copyright I can’t show you pictures here, but pop his name into a search engine and check out the images. The differences are astounding.
Now think about the human body. We’re about 3/4 water. What about the foods we eat, whether it’s plants, fruits, animals, fish or vegetables? Bearing this in mind, doesn’t it make sense to be a bit more aware of what we’re eating? The experiences our food goes through before becoming dinner, could affect our energies and our own molecular structure.
Everything is your choice
So what can we do? Well you don’t need to give up anything if you don’t want to. It all comes down to personal choice. What you can do is set an intention when you are preparing your food. You don’t have to have studied Reiki or hug trees on a regular basis to flow positive energy through your food. As you prepare it, put yourself into a ‘good’ state of mind, whether it’s joy, peace, happiness, love; you get the picture.
Imagine that feeling infusing into your food (or drink). If you’re out or have not prepared the food yourself, you can give a little quiet thank you for what you are about to eat. Imagine every mouthful or sip making you stronger, full of love or healthier. This is your food, your thoughts; you choose what enters your body and the affect that has. If you’re feeling stressed before you eat, take a moment to calm yourself. The last thing you want to do is pass that energy into your food and then ingest even more stress!
I appreciate this might sound odd (or even very odd), but life is in the experience. Give it a try for a week. You’ve got nothing to lose, apart from maybe some guilt weight.
Maggie is an NLP Trainer and Coach. She encourages women to live life with purpose, power and passion! You can follow her on Facebook at Life Redefined UK. She offers residential (certified) NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training retreats.
A note from Honey
Thank you Maggie for sharing your positive mindset towards food. And everything else!
What’s in this blog for you:
30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
Free advice and inspiration
You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign upherefor my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording