Sweet and sour
The other day I heard some children talking about peoples’ reactions when they played their game of sweet and sour.
Apparently sweet and sour game is where you sit in the back of a Volvo and wave at strangers in others cars. If they wave back they are sweet and if they don’t they are sour! I heard about how one man had showed them a doughnut and another man did a salute. They thought this was great. Children find lots of ways to have fun for free.
Adults can have fun for free too. You might get some funny looks if you play sweet and sour but here are some ideas of things you can do for free.
- Go to the sea
- Take a course, there are free courses available at future learn
- Cook something or invent a new dish
- Cloud watch…….. Oh sorry I’m back. I just got distracted by some clouds!
- Put some of your favourite photos in a collage
- Read. Even if you hate reading there must be a book that you would enjoy. There are sites that find books you might like. Try whatshouldireadnext
- Music changes your mood in 3 seconds. Choose a belter and sing your heart out. These girls are funny!
- Be a tourist in your own city. I did this recently in Brighton and had a lot of fun
- Make your Family tree. Free at most libraries
- Walk in nature
- Go window shopping to see what you don’t need to buy!
- Create something. A scarf, pen pot, book, shed
- Find a group near you on Meet Up. If you can think of it, there’s a group for it!
- Watch inspiring Ted talks
- Look at some art to inspire you or make you wonder what it is!
- Explore. On foot. On a bike. In the car
- Try creative writing or even a blog
- Create a new outfit out of your existing clothes
- Watch animals
- Learn a new skill
- Try some adult colouring
- Create a mission for yourself – maybe see all the Royal Parks or local parks in your area? Visit all the libraries? Find the local markets?
- Help someone else – Radio 1 have a great thing at the moment where you can give an hour to help others
- Grow something
You will notice that most of these you can do alone. This is because if you make your own fun and happiness first, you become self-sufficient in your happiness and rarely bored and lonely.
I would love to hear your ideas of free things to do. Please add them to the comments and share them!
Here’s the plan:
- Read your gratitude list often
- Make sure Mind COP is on patrol
- Pick one list from the list, do it and see how you feel
- Feel free to share this post on facebook or twitter!
- Like me on facebook
Happy hug 🙂
Is this your Mind COP?
Yesterday you met your own mind COP by imagining what you mind COP looked like, sounds like, wears…
Maybe one of these?
Today we are going to look at how your mind COP will catch those criminal negative thoughts and keep your mind safe. For the past week you have been keeping a note of your negative mind chatter in your notebook. Now is the time to have a good look at what you have written and start working on making some changes to how that chatter might make you feel bad.
Let’s see mind COP in action.
Catch them: You’ve been catching mind chatter for nearly a week. You should have a pretty good idea of what yours is saying to you and who your criminals are.
Own them: These are your thoughts. You created them. You can acknowledge them. Consider them and choose whether to discard them or whether to arrest them.
Protect yourself: You protect yourself by arresting the negative thoughts, examining the evidence and deciding whether to charge them or give them a warning.
Here’s an example based on the losing your job example negative thoughts we looked at yesterday. Read each thought from left to right to see how Mind COP works.
|‘I should have worked harder’
||I did work hard though
||Maybe they didn’t really appreciate me?
|‘Why didn’t I take that course to learn more’
||I did a lot of development in that role
||This is a chance to learn something new
|‘I’m no good’
||Is everything I’ve ever done no good?
||I’ve achieved a lot
||With those that love me?
||I matter to the people that matter to me
||I was one of 10
||I will find a better fit
|‘I’m not clever’
||I was the problem solver
||I need a new challenge
|‘I’ll never get another job’
||Have you tried?
||I wonder what job I will love?
You can see how Mind COP is examining each thought and looking at it in a different way. One thought does not make a truth. One thought may seek evidence from the subconscious to support it, but Mind COP doesn’t fall for this.
Mind COP is objective and realizes that thoughts tell stories but their alibi is weak when questioned. Mind COP wants to hear from the witnesses and sort out those criminal negative thoughts.
You tell fibs
You see when you tell think a negative thought it’s probably not true and your Mind Cop might make this face!
So the next time those pesky criminal negative thoughts are doing a ‘wrong un’ in your mind, just see them scarper when Mind COP comes along and bangs them to rights.
Your time is precious, don’t waste it
How much of your precious life are you going to spend thinking negatively?
Think about it, how much time are you going to think about negative situations, obsess about the things that went wrong it your life, worry about things that happen or might never happen? Two hours a day? Which is 14 hours a week. Which is 60 hours a month. Which is 730 hours a year. Which is 30 DAYS A YEAR of feeling bad. What could you do in 30 days? A lot! In our example of losing the job, that is 30 days of enjoying the freedom of not working and exploring options for a new career whilst feeling happier.
Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and change. By learning to manage your thoughts you will be more resilient in the tough times and happier on the whole. You are not your past, your current situation or what people say about you. You are so much more than that and you can shine.
- Write your own table of negative mind chatter in the same format as above and set your mind COP to work
- Read your gratitude list often
- See you tomorrow
Happy hug 🙂
How I got my limiting belief about parking tickets
A few years ago someone told me that if you don’t fit your whole car in a car park space (including the tow bar) that a traffic warden could give you a parking ticket. So for years I have sought big enough parking spaces to make sure I could fit my whole car in them. It only occurred to me today that I had lived by this ‘rule’ without even checking if it’s true!
The point of telling you this is that quite often we make ‘rules’ for ourselves which we then then strictly live by. And most of the time they are complete nonsense but stop us doing so many things that we could or would do. These ‘limiting beliefs’ can seriously alter the course of your life, stop you taking opportunities and stop you fulfilling your potential.
Can you imagine how much time and petrol I have spent finding spaces when I could have parked in the first one I saw. Limiting beliefs do this. They stop us getting things we want or need. They ‘block’ us.
Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we make them true for ourselves.
Here are some common limiting beliefs that you may have
The first limiting belief that stops you being confident is ‘I’m not confident’. So I ask you? Were you a confident child? Are you not confident in all situations? If you are not confident in social situations but you are confident in your profession or parenting, then maybe it is not true that you are ‘not confident’. Once you overcome your limiting beliefs about not being confident you will be amazed how much confidence you have!
Two common limiting beliefs I hear people say when they come for Hypnotherapy for weight loss are ‘I have a big appetite’ and ‘I can’t lose weight’. Well if you believe these things your body will believe them too. Especially as your brain and stomach are in constant communication (with the stomach being called the second brain). So all the time you believe these beliefs you are unlikely to lose the weight you want to lose. Your brain also likes negativity! So you need to ditch negative limiting beliefs to achieve your weight loss goals.
Of course depression feels very real and it would be hard to think that you have beliefs around depression. But as this is a subject I specialise in as a therapist, I can say with confidence that you may have beliefs along the lines of ‘I can’t enjoy my life’ or ‘I will never be happy’ or ‘I’m not lucky in life’. These are beliefs that will keep you stuck and they are not always easy to overcome on your own.
When you are put in a situation that clashes with your limiting belief this may make you feel anxious. Imagine your limiting belief is that you can’t talk in front of a group and then you are given a presentation to do at work. This causes a lot of people a lot of anxiety to the extent that many people even have panic attacks. Imagine swapping the belief that you can’t talk in front of people to ‘I can talk about anything to anyone’ What would that be like?
If you believe that you can’t be motivated, that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may let opportunities pass you by, believing you will lack the motivation to do them. You may see other people moving on, doing things you wanted to do. And the truth is they are no different to you but they just don’t hold the same belief around motivation.
If you have lived then you’ve probably loved and maybe been hurt. Quite often this will give you limiting beliefs like ‘I will get hurt’ or ‘no one will love me like I want to be loved’. These are ingrained by your experiences and the pain you felt. With a bit of work on yourself you can overcome these thoughts and feelings.
The limiting beliefs around money are vast! You may have inherited some like ‘it’s wrong to waste money’ or ‘you have to work really hard to make money’ or even some that make you feel guilty about having money. These will hold you back in your career or your business. You need to believe that making money is ok, that you deserve money and that you don’t need to feel guilty about having it or spending it.
Half the job of relaxation is believing that you can! I hear this a lot in my Hypnotherapy practice, people say ‘I can’t relax’ or ‘I can’t meditate’ and so we do some work and then they are soon deeply relaxed. And once that has happened, that belief is soon out the window! My top tip for anything is believe you can and you are halfway there.
Finding your limiting beliefs
Identifying your limiting beliefs can be a big piece of work and NLP can be very useful for identifying them and overcoming them. You can read about NLP here. Basically, we all create our own ‘map of the world’. Our map is what we believe is the way it is, how it should be and how people are and should be. This ‘map’ is created by our own experiences and beliefs we absorb and inherit from others.
If you want to start looking for them then look out for things you think or say that begin with:
- I can’t
- I must/mustn’t
- I am/am not
We can unknowingly hide behind our limiting beliefs and subconsciously use them as excuses not to push ourselves into uncomfortable situations (which is where we grow the most). We can also use them to protect ourselves from fearful situations. i.e. if your belief is that you don’t ‘fit in’ you will most likely avoid situations where you socialise and therefore avoid your fear of ‘not fitting in’.
Some of the most common limiting beliefs are below. Can you identify with any?
- I’m too old, too young, too fat, too out of shape, etc.
- I’m not clever enough
- I’m not outgoing
- I can’t do that.
- I don’t have confidence
- I don’t have enough skills or talent
- I am not motivated
- I’m terrible at managing my time, money, etc.
- I make too many mistakes
- Successful people have more drive than me
- I’m a failure
- I’m a slow learner
- I don’t fit in
- I’m unloveable
- I procrastinate too much
- I don’t have time
- I’m too old to try that
- I have too many responsibilities
And of course, the big one that can make or break a life is ‘I’m not good enough’. I just want to tell you now that YOU ARE.
I can help you break through your limiting beliefs and living the life you really want
If you want to explore your limiting beliefs or indeed yourself, please do drop me a text or email and let’s have a chat about introducing you to you 🙂
Sign up for the free 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge
I’ve seen enough ‘frazzled’ clients to understand that prevention is always better than cure when it comes to mental health.
You might want to sign up for my free 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge which is an easy to follow plan for busy people. Just sign up here
Sending you anything is possible vibes.
Comparison has a place…
Compare the meerkat, oops I mean market, is a great site isn’t it. It gives you confidence in your decision by letting you compare insurance policies based on all their different benefits and features. It’s useful to compare insurance in this way because at the end of the day, you want value for money and the policy that is right for you. There are comparison sites for lots of other things too; Broadband, TVs, cars, holidays, computers. But can you imagine if there was one for people!
It might look something like this:
How would it feel to see yourself judged in this way? Or see those you care about judged in this way? What effect might it have? Well it might upset you to see that you weren’t a ‘yes’ for things you wanted to be a ‘yes’ for. And those ‘no’s’ would become your focus, never mind all the fantastic yes’s you had. This may really affect your confidence.
This is because we are sensitive souls and the mind has a negative bias so it finds it easier to focus on anything negative. Yes, positive thinking takes work. But the good news is that when you do it often it becomes more automatic, but more on that later.
You might then look at the list if you are Saskia and despite the fact that you have been ‘judged’ as being popular, kind and creative you might be jealous that Linda is considered confident and clever. This might make you, Saskia, feel like you are not as good as Linda.
You find it easy to overlook all that is good about you and everything that your friends and family love about you because you are comparing yourself to Linda.
So how might this comparing yourself to others make you feel? You might feel:
- That you lack confidence
- Unsure of your best qualities
- Intimidated by Linda
And as a result you might not shine as yourself, feel lost or retreat and feel unhappy.
We are often least kind to ourselves
Now the funny thing is, we are more brutal with comparing ourselves to others than comparing those we love to others. When we have our love goggles on, we tend to recognise the positive qualities of those we love more easily than our own.
I bet if I said to you now tell me 5 things you really like about someone you love, you could do it in seconds ,but how easily can you do it for yourself? Go on, grab a pen and do it now! Let me know how you get on (I am genuinley interested).
The more we focus on the good, the less the bad matters….
So back to compare the market.com. When we are comparing our insurance, there will be some things that are more important than others. Maybe you can’t live without a courtesy car, or the thought of a large excess fills you will dread, so it’s good to understand what all these things are.
You might make a call to have a chat about some of the policy features and decide that yes that is important to you. You know that when you know your policy priorities you can feel really happy and you have confidence that you have made the right choice
Well people are similar in that we all have inner values which are most important to us. Many people haven’t a clue what theirs are! This is a big piece of the work I do when I see clients in my Hypnotherapy practice in West Sussex and worldwide on Skype.
Many of my clients are what I call ‘out of sorts’. They’ve lost their way and don’t feel like they know themselves and they need some ‘realignment’. We do values work so that they can identify parts of their life which may be conflicting with these values. When you truly understand your values and know yourself better you will just feel ‘more you’. Your decisions and behaviours will be easier to align to your true self and life will be better.
There’s another benefit to knowing yourself. As well as knowing your strengths, it is good to be aware of your shadows. Those quirks and qualities that give you your unique edge and your vulnerability. When you know yourself you will live your life with much more confidence.
Tiger focuses on golf
An example I always use here is education. We expect students to do well in all the subjects and some do. But if you are really amazing at Maths but not English, are you better to focus your energy on the maths or English? Which will make you feel better? Which will you excel at?
I’m not saying that education isn’t important, but can you imagine if they had said to Tiger Woods, ‘yeah, you are really good at golf, but you should be better at tennis so why don’t you spend your time playing tennis!’.
He did what he was good at and had passion for and he excelled. Does he or anyone else care that he isn’t good at tennis? I doubt it!
We are not meerkats (or car insurance)
So continue to compare the market by all means, get the courtesy car and free windscreen repair for a bargain price and wait for your meerkat to arrive in the post, but don’t compare yourself to others. There really is no need. You have good stuff and not so good stuff about your personal qualities and how you look, but unless you are planning on having cosmetic surgery or a personality transplant you are what you are.
Those who love you will love you for what you are and you just need to join you own fan club and celebrate all that is unique, wonderful and special about you.
If you need to know what is special about you just ask your loved ones to make a list of 5 things they love about you and that will be a good start to feeling good about yourself.
How I can help you?
If you want to do some work with me, then please get in touch and let’s start your journey of getting to know you and building your confidence.
Why your CV is like a dating profile
When you walk down the street and pass people you don’t know, you cannot possibly tell what ‘sort of person’ they are. When a potential employer picks up the pile of CVs from people applying for a post they advertised, they don’t know anything about them either. They are relying on an A4 double sided CV to give them a ‘feel’ for the sort of people who are applying.
Each employer or company will have its own flavour. A set of unspoken or spoken values and beliefs that mean that the right sort of people will fit in and flourish in this company. And when employers are seeking people to work in their business, they know what they are looking for even if they can’t put it into words. So you need to put it into words for them.
You need to understand and covey the very you of you, so they get it straight away. The likelyhood is that most people who apply for the same job will have the right skills and qualifications. What is of equal importance is your ‘flavour’. Your approach, your ethics, your outlook, your tenacity and things like that.
So why is a CV like a dating profile?
If you’ve ever been on a dating site you will know there are a lot of profiles. Now unless it’s Tinder where the connection is made by saying you like the look of someone, you will read the blurb they put about themselves to see if they are your ‘sort of person’. Lots will say ‘good sense of humour’ but what does that actually mean! There are lots of different comedians but we won’t all find the same ones funny.
Likes and interests are interesting but do they really help us understand who that person is? In a non-professional football team you will have lots of different personalities, doing different jobs and having different drivers, emotions and ambitions. We want to know if they are the sort of person who likes to be the last one at a party or the one at home in comfies. Or if they care about getting a black friday deal and if they give to charity. If they would be happy with one coat of paint or would have to make sure it is perfect.
Here are some examples from CVs. Take a look and think about what you really know about this person from their opening statement:
Person 1 – Highly-skilled and meticulous communications professional with experience and extensive understanding of implementing and delivering engagement methodologies and communications activity plans.
Person 2 – As an experienced sales manager, my tenacious and proactive approach resulted in numerous important contract wins. My excellent networking skills have provided my team with vital client leads, and my ability to develop client relationships has resulted in an 18% increase in business renewals for my current organisation. After eight years in sales, currently seeking a new challenge which will utilise my meticulous attention to detail, and friendly, professional manner.
Person 3 – Driven Retail Manager with over ten years’ experience in the fashion industry. Proven track record of success, including managing the top performing store in the region, and having the lowest staff turnover rate of all UK outlets.
What do we actually know about any of these people?
You are not like the other peas in the pod
Give them a flavour of the sort of person you are. Let them know how your flavour will compliment theirs to make the perfect dish. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you be clear about what to write:
- How do you cope under pressure?
- When are you at your best?
- How do you deal with problems?
- Are you a curious person?
- Do you like unfinished business?
- Do you have to win?
- Do you like variety or routine?
- Are you better working alone or in teams?
- How do you deal with setbacks?
- When are you at your best?
- What are your goals?
- Are you resourceful?
- What makes you different?
- What is your energy level like?
So once you have the answers to these questions you should be in good shape to write your personal profile for the top of your CV. Something that gives them a feel for ‘the sort of person’ you are.
Quick review of yesterday’s list:
Yesterday you wrote a list of things of things that make you lucky. Lucky you! Don’t forget to add to that one often as it’s an important one.
Your eighth list:
The eighth list you have written in the exercise above is your ‘I’m the sort of person’ list. The last part of this exercise is for you ask other people what sort of person they think you are. It’s also a good idea to actually get feedback from others as it will give you new insights about yourself. Add the bits that they say that fit well into your list.
If you want someone to proof read your CV and give you honest feedback on your personal profile I am happy to do that for you for free if you mention this blog post. I am specialised in values work which is what makes us who we are and help lots of people get to know themselves better and feel more comfortable in their own skin. Some people say that self awareness is the most important development that you can do.
Once you get an interview
I often see clients before job interviews or presentations to help them control their nerves and give them a confidence boost. Once you’ve secured an interview give me a call 07530 890089 and let’s get you wooing your employer in the interview and securing your dream job.
See you tomorrow.
What type of eater are you?
Just as we have different personalities, we are different types of eaters. Here I have taken a look at just a few, but it would be great to hear about others you think of.
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The waste eater
‘Don’t worry about the leftovers, John will clear those up.’ Are YOU John? Does your appetite know no bounds and you just cannot leave any leftovers. Kids don’t finish their tea… no problem you are there to finish it! Macmillan cake morning, you finish ALL the leftover cake? Or maybe you actually eat the coffee creams that are left in a box of chocolates?
The emotional eater
Bad day at work and you reach for some ‘comfort food’? Or maybe you are feeling the stress and munch through biscuit after biscuit. Or you are feeling lonely and food becomes your new best friend. Food is a much used emotional reliever but unfortunately we can get to use it a bit too much and gain weight as a result. Which then causes more emotions about feeling bad about our bodies. A vicious circle!
The plate loader
Maybe you love ‘eat as much as you like’ restaurants? How exciting being able to load your plate with a wide variety of foods and as high as you like! You merrily eat your way through one plate and then go for seconds even though you are not at all hungry. After the second plate you hold your stomach and moan that you are over full! But you just have to have a go at that chocolate fountain don’t you? After all, how often do you get to use a chocolate fountain? And it’s free!
The sugar addict
Coco pops for breakfast or chocolate spread on toast, that gives you that early morning sugar kick that you need. By mid morning a chocolate biscuit seems like a good idea, but one or two are never enough and that ends up at 5! Few cups of tea with sugar throughout the day and a nice sandwich and creamy chilled desert for lunch. Now what’s for tea? Maybe a sweet & sour sauce on something but definitely ice cream for pudding. And there’s that nice big family bar of chocolate waiting in the fridge for later….. And in a sweet shop you are well, like a kid in a sweet shop!
The sniffer dog
Your partner is out. You know there must be some goodies in the house somewhere and you are going to find them! Wow those cupboards are dusty up there but nope, not there. Surely there must be a stash somewhere? So you put your best hunting skills to use and eventually find something. You want it but you don’t want them to know you’ve had it. This dilemma plays on your mind for a while but in the end you think you will replace it tomorrow and scoff it anyway. You cannot be trusted around Easter and Christmas with all those Easter eggs and selection boxes around!
These are just a few light hearted types of eaters that maybe you can relate to. Just like our personalities, self awareness is key and often the first step to making changes if you want to.
Over the past week we’ve heard from 6 different guest bloggers.
Here they are if you want to catch up:
Jill Howie from Porchester told us how she changed her diet and changed her life. Read it here
Carol Hunter from Worthing shared her bread making secrets with us. Read it here
Maggie Albrecht from London told us how she put positive thoughts into her vegetarian food. Read that one here
Rebecca Boulton a nutritionist from Yorkshared a day in her food life. Read it here
Healthnutgirl Rachel Kieffer from New York City gave us some easy healthy eating tips here
Ayurvedic practitioner, Julie Rawnsley from Ditching, near Brighton shared her Ayurvedic day with us here
It’s been wonderful hearing from so many different people about their healthy eating andover the next 9 days we will hear from even more.
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See you tomorrow
Healthy hug 🙂