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30 days to a happier you – Day 9 – you tell fibs

30 days to a happier you – Day 9 – you tell fibs

Is this your Mind COP?

Yesterday you met your own mind COP by imagining what you mind COP looked like, sounds like, wears…

Maybe one of these?

coprobocop1dogcop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today we are going to look at how your mind COP will catch those criminal negative thoughts and keep your mind safe. For the past week you have been keeping a note of your negative mind chatter in your notebook. Now is the time to have a good look at what you have written and start working on making some changes to how that chatter might make you feel bad.

Let’s see mind COP in action.

Catch them: You’ve been catching mind chatter for nearly a week. You should have a pretty good idea of what yours is saying to you and who your criminals are.

Own them: These are your thoughts. You created them. You can acknowledge them. Consider them and choose whether to discard them or whether to arrest them.

Protect yourself: You protect yourself by arresting the negative thoughts, examining the evidence and deciding whether to charge them or give them a warning.

Here’s an example based on the losing your job example negative thoughts we looked at yesterday. Read each thought from left to right to see how Mind COP works.

Catch them Own them Protect yourself
‘I should have worked harder’ I did work hard though Maybe they didn’t really appreciate me?
‘Why didn’t I take that course to learn more’ I did a lot of development in that role This is a chance to learn something new
‘I’m no good’ Is everything I’ve ever done no good? I’ve achieved a lot
‘I’m unpopular’ With those that love me? I matter to the people that matter to me
‘Why me’ I was one of 10 I will find a better fit
‘I’m not clever’ I was the problem solver I need a new challenge
‘I’ll never get another job’ Have you tried? I wonder what job I will love?

 

You can see how Mind COP is examining each thought and looking at it in a different way. One thought does not make a truth. One thought may seek evidence from the subconscious to support it, but Mind COP doesn’t fall for this.

Mind COP is objective and realizes that thoughts tell stories but their alibi is weak when questioned. Mind COP wants to hear from the witnesses and sort out those criminal negative thoughts.

You tell fibs

You see when you tell think a negative thought it’s probably not true and your Mind Cop might make this face!

youthinkwhat

So the next time those pesky criminal negative thoughts are doing a ‘wrong un’ in your mind, just see them scarper when Mind COP comes along and bangs them to rights.

Your time is precious, don’t waste it

How much of your precious life are you going to spend thinking negatively?

Think about it, how much time are you going to think about negative situations, obsess about the things that went wrong it your life, worry about things that happen or might never happen? Two hours a day? Which is 14 hours a week. Which is 60 hours a month. Which is 730 hours a year. Which is 30 DAYS A YEAR of feeling bad. What could you do in 30 days? A lot! In our example of losing the job, that is 30 days of enjoying the freedom of not working and exploring options for a new career whilst feeling happier.

Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs and change. By learning to manage your thoughts you will be more resilient in the tough times and happier on the whole. You are not your past, your current situation or what people say about you. You are so much more than that and you can shine.

  • Write your own table of negative mind chatter in the same format as above and set your mind COP to work
  • Read your gratitude list often
  • See you tomorrow

Happy hug 🙂

Honey

Why comparing yourself can knock your confidence

Why comparing yourself can knock your confidence

Comparison has a place…

Compare the meerkat, oops I mean market, is a great site isn’t it. It gives you confidence in your decision by letting you compare insurance policies based on all their different benefits and features. It’s useful to compare insurance in this way because at the end of the day, you want value for money and the policy that is right for you. There are comparison sites for lots of other things too; Broadband, TVs, cars, holidays, computers. But can you imagine if there was one for people!

It might look something like this:

Linda Saskia Maria
Nice hair y n n
Funny y n y
Slim n y n
Popular y y n
Kind n y y
Generous y n n
Confident y n y
Clever y n n
Wealthy y n y
Attractive n y n
Successful y y n
Thoughtful n y y
Warm y n n
Good friend y n y
Fun y n n
Brave y n y
Adventurous n y n
Creative y y n
Collaborative n y y
Honest y n n
Reliable y n y

 

How would it feel to see yourself judged in this way? Or see those you care about judged in this way? What effect might it have? Well it might upset you to see that you weren’t a ‘yes’ for things you wanted to be a ‘yes’ for. And those ‘no’s’ would become your focus, never mind all the fantastic yes’s you had. This may really affect your confidence.

This is because we are sensitive souls and the mind has a negative bias so it finds it easier to focus on anything negative. Yes, positive thinking takes work. But the good news is that when you do it often it becomes more automatic, but more on that later.

You might then look at the list if you are Saskia and despite the fact that you have been ‘judged’ as being popular, kind and creative you might be jealous that Linda is considered confident and clever. This might make you, Saskia, feel like you are not as good as Linda.

You find it easy to overlook all that is good about you and everything that your friends and family love about you because you are comparing yourself to Linda.

So how might this comparing yourself to others make you feel? You might feel:

 

  • Inferior
  • That you lack confidence
  • Unsure of your best qualities
  • Intimidated by Linda

And as a result you might not shine as yourself, feel lost or retreat and feel unhappy.

We are often least kind to ourselves

Now the funny thing is, we are more brutal with comparing ourselves to others than comparing those we love to others. When we have our love goggles on, we tend to recognise the positive qualities of those we love more easily than our own.

I bet if I said to you now tell me 5 things you really like about someone you love, you could do it in seconds ,but how easily can you do it for yourself? Go on, grab a pen and do it now! Let me know how you get on (I am genuinley interested).

 

The more we focus on the good, the less the bad matters….

Bad witch

 

 

 

 

So back to compare the market.com. When we are comparing our insurance, there will be some things that are more important than others. Maybe you can’t live without a courtesy car, or the thought of a large excess fills you will dread, so it’s good to understand what all these things are.

You might make a call to have a chat about some of the policy features and decide that yes that is important to you. You know that when you know your policy priorities you can feel really happy and you have confidence that you have made the right choice

Well people are similar in that we all have inner values which are most important to us. Many people haven’t a clue what theirs are! This is a big piece of the work I do when I see clients in my Hypnotherapy practice in West Sussex and worldwide on Skype.

Many of my clients are what I call ‘out of sorts’. They’ve lost their way and don’t feel like they know themselves and they need some ‘realignment’. We do values work so that they can identify parts of their life which may be conflicting with these values. When you truly understand your values and know yourself better you will just feel ‘more you’. Your decisions and behaviours will be easier to align to your true self and life will be better.

There’s another benefit to knowing yourself. As well as knowing your strengths, it is good to be aware of your shadows. Those quirks and qualities that give you your unique edge and your vulnerability. When you know yourself you will live your life with much more confidence.

Tiger focuses on golf

An example I always use here is education. We expect students to do well in all the subjects and some do. But if you are really amazing at Maths but not English, are you better to focus your energy on the maths or English? Which will make you feel better? Which will you excel at?

I’m not saying that education isn’t important, but can you imagine if they had said to Tiger Woods, ‘yeah, you are really good at golf, but you should be better at tennis so why don’t you spend your time playing tennis!’.

He did what he was good at and had passion for and he excelled. Does he or anyone else care that he isn’t good at tennis? I doubt it!

We are not meerkats (or car insurance)

So continue to compare the market by all means, get the courtesy car and free windscreen repair for a bargain price and wait for your meerkat to arrive in the post, but don’t compare yourself to others. There really is no need. You have good stuff and not so good stuff about your personal qualities and how you look, but unless you are planning on having cosmetic surgery or a personality transplant you are what you are.

Those who love you will love you for what you are and you just need to join you own fan club and celebrate all that is unique, wonderful and special about you.

If you need to know what is special about you just ask your loved ones to make a list of 5 things they love about you and that will be a good start to feeling good about yourself.

 

How I can help you?

If you want to do some work with me, then please get in touch and let’s start your journey of getting to know you and building your confidence.

Healthy eating – Day 4 -Guest blogger Claire Hunt from Worthing

Healthy eating – Day 4 -Guest blogger Claire Hunt from Worthing

Our third guest blogger is Claire Hunt from Worthing. Claire is at Breathing Spaces Garden Therapy which is a Community Interest Company in Worthing. Here Claire shares healthy eating that works for her.

Healthy Eating – 10 Things That Work for Me by Claire Hunt

 

1. Start the day with a home-made probiotic smoothie

kefir

Pictured – kefir

My digestion and health has improved massively since I started eating milk kefir for breakfast. It’s quick and easy to make your own from a starter culture of probiotic bacteria and yeast. Just add whole milk, leave for 24 hours, strain and top up again with fresh milk. I add seasonal or frozen fruit, green leaves, ground seeds like hemp, linseed or chia, bee pollen, coconut oil and almond butter. A great start to the day for your gut. I have been known to take it with me when I am away, but you can rest it in the fridge for a couple of weeks. You pass on some kefir grains to other people as they multiply. (People with a lactose intolerance would need to take advice.)

2. Reduce sugar intake

plate of fruit

Pictured – plate of fruit

I had to do this because of recurrent candida but it is increasingly accepted that sugar is bad for your health, addictive and makes us put on weight. It’s added to so many foodstuffs, even savoury ones. Refined sugar is worse, but all sugar, even naturally occurring ones, have the same effect on your brain and body, so go easy on all forms. I eat mainly low-sugar fruits, like berries and apples, and over time your sweet tooth loosens its grip. I occasionally relax the rule for something special or an occasion but I don’t enjoy really sweet things now.

3. Take a break from wheat and gluten

homemade bread

Pictured – My ‘superfood bread’

The debate about gluten intolerance rumbles on, but I found that when I stopped eating wheat and gluten grains I felt better, my digestion improved, I had more energy, and I stopped having arthritis-like pain in my hands. I love bread, pizza and pasta, so it has been hard. I sometimes eat home-baked spelt bread and quality sourdough but mainly make a substitute ‘Superfood Bread’ from ground almonds, brown rice flour and seeds (‘Deliciously Ella’). Brown rice pasta is not too bad, but on the whole I prefer to eat something else rather than feel disappointed. Beware gluten-free ready-made products, they can contain a lot of sugar, and starch that quickly turns to sugar. For reference, read ‘Wheat Belly’ and ‘Gut’.

4. Do more cooking

Tray baked cod with breadPizzas going into a cob oven

Pictured – tray baked code with vegetables and  pizzas going into a cob oven

If you want to avoid sugar, wheat and gluten it becomes inevitable that you have to do more cooking and baking so you can control what you eat. You have to find ingredients and some recipes that you love, get into a mindset that enjoys and makes time for cooking as a priority, rather than feel it is a chore. There are some great books available – Deliciously Ella, Eat Nourish Glow, Medicinal Chef. By Ella Woodward, Dale Pinnock and Amelia Freer

5. Find some go-to treats

IMG_1622

Pictured – energy balls

You need some things up your sleeve for when you need a treat. Mine are home-made muffins (Wheat Belly), fruity flapjack (Medicinal Cook)., raw cacao energy bombs and homemade almond butter (Deliciously Ella).

6. Grow and eat a rainbow

homegrown produceapple tree

Pictured – homegrown vegetables and apples

I am not vegetarian but I eat a lot of veg, when it is in its season, and trying to get as much of the rainbow into each meal as possible to cover all the different nutrients that those colours represent. I use a local veg box scheme and I try to grow some of my own. Growing, cooking and eating well go satisfyingly together and each complements the other. Mental Health Awareness Week, Offington Park Church, has a Gardening and Health theme on Monday 10th October and a Food and Mood theme on Wednesday 12th October.

7. Embrace different grains

IMG_1624

Pictured – quinoa

Quinoa is tasty once you learn to cook and flavour it well and it is full of protein not gluten. Use cold water, twice as much water as grain, and cook until all the water has gone (about 10 mins). I mix in tahini, lemon and olive oil when it has cooled and you can add herbs, spices etc to taste. I make a batch that will last three days so it is ready cooked when I need it. Buckwheat flour makes great pancakes, and you can toast the grains and then cook like rice.

8. Eat more mindfully

Instead of eating on the move, watching TV, reading a book or chatting, try eating at least one meal a day when you are fully present and doing nothing else than experiencing eating. Really notice what is happening, the smell, taste, texture. Also notice what effect different foods might have on your body and mood. Read ‘The De-Stress Effect’, Charlotte Watts.

9. Explore fermented food

making sauerkraut

Pictured – Making sauerkraut

Kefir and sourdough are fermented food but there are lots of others to try and the health benefits are well documented. I am currently making and drinking beetroot kvass by fermenting beetroots in salt water for 6 days. I have started brewing kombucha, a delicious fizzy drink made from tea. Sauerkraut and kimchi are easy to make, probiotic and tasty alternatives to pickles and chutney. Apple cider vinegar is a great way to use windfall apples and retains the goodness of the fermentation process, the ‘mother’.

10. Enjoy food

I mostly don’t feel it’s a sacrifice or that I am denying myself to avoid food that isn’t good for me. I enjoy food and drink made from good quality ingredients with time, care and passion. For more ideas about gardening therapy, food and wellness, come and see Breathing Spaces We Are Food Pioneers and other foodies and growers at Green Dreams, October 2nd, Field Place.

A note from Honey….

Thank you Claire for those fantastic ideas and pictures.

What this blog is:
  • This is a 30 day blog about health eating where different people will share their thoughts and experience
  • This is a non-judgmental place of inspiration
  • This is a place to learn, pick up tips and think about your own eating
What this blog isn’t:
  • This isn’t a weight loss plan. Although losing weight is often a by-product of eating a healthier diet! I do help people lose weight with Hypnotherapy but that is not the purpose of this blog.
  • It isn’t a place to feel regret about the situation of your health right now. Today is a chance to make changes!

 

Do you know what you are eating?

Yesterday’s product was caramel  digestives.

Can you guess today’s product from it’s ingredients?

secret ingredients

Let us know in the blog or facebook comments! I will let you know the answer here tomorrow.

Here’s the plan:

  • Read the blog each day. Get involved. comment, share your thoughts and wisdom
  • If you want to be accountable and use this as an opportunity to improve your diet and see how much better you can feel in just 30 days then go for it
  • Find me on Facebook, my website, on twitter
  • Sign up to my newsletter at the bottom of this blog for a free relaxing download and  special offers

See you tomorrow.

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

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