Why Black Friday won’t make you happy

Why Black Friday won’t make you happy

Wow, there is a lot of excitement in the air today on this, Black Friday, but here is why Black Friday won’t make you happy.

A plethora of good and services

Do you like choice? Or does it confuse and overwhelm you? I know for many of my clients they suffer from overwhelm and feel desperate to declutter and simplify their lives and minds.

When you are surrounded by stuff it will add to feelings of stress and confusion. It also affects the flow of energy in your home which is what Feng Shui is all about. And have you every noticed how well your personal energy flows when your home is clean and tidy? Some decluttering experts such as Mary Kondo will advise you to only have things in your home that you really love and bring you pleasure. This is a lovely concept as it means whatever you use or look at in your home will bring you joy. Bringing joy into your life is a big part of my work with helping clients overcome depression.

So this Black Friday there might be some offers for things you have been thinking of buying for a while, or want to buy as a gift for Christmas like:

But can I suggest that you don’t get sucked into buying things that have no use or you have never considered yourself needing before, as these are likely to be the things that bring short term happiness (if any at all).

Reward centres

Shopping in a pastime enjoyed by many (or even most people). We ‘treat’ ourselves to pretty things, tasty things and things that excite or interest us. Things that we can wear to make us ‘feel good’. Things to make our home ‘look good’ and gadgets to make life ‘easier’.

For some, shopping feels like love.

This is because shopping briefly lights up the ‘reward centre’ of your brain. In simple terms, your brain is designed to seek pleasure or avoid pain.

To satisfy your brains need for pleasure, it works in a cycle of desire, action and satisfaction. An example of this could be wanting positive feedback from someone, doing something for them and getting the feedback which makes you feel good. When you feel good from the feedback your brain lights up its pleasure circuit and this makes you want to do it again. This is called positive reinforcement. Think children and animals here. When you positively reinforce good behaviour they are more likely to do it again.

Shopping lights up most people’s pleasure circuit. But is it enough to make you happy at a deeper level? Or is this happiness short lived? Let’s explore that.

Short term feelings of happiness

Abraham  Maslow was an American psychologist who created the pyramid below now known as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.Maslow's hierarchy of needs

The pyramid reflects that as complex beings, we need more than just the basics. Yes we need shelter and food. But then we move into the more emotional levels of love, self esteem and our own personal potential and fulfilment.

I see a lot of clients who need help with life direction. Often in their forties or fifties, they’ve worked, raised families, had relationships or marriages and on paper have what look to be successful and fortunate lives. But they are not happy. They don’t know who they are anymore and what the rest of their life will be like. They feel empty, lost and confused. This is to do with not operating in the top of Maslow’s triangle and don’t worry, after 4 sessions and a deep dive into themselves, they are right as rain.

So you see, shopping doesn’t really touch many of the levels of Maslow’s triangle which is why yes it may feels great in the short term, but because it hasn’t fulfilled you on an emotional level, you feel may feel empty and sad still, despite some wonderful Black Friday deals.

 

Feelings of emptiness

I would suggest that Cyber Monday was created to address the lull and emptiness that Black Friday might create. All that excitement on Black Friday, hunting deals, comparing features, accessing which colour will work best and then it stops. Oh no, all the website timers are at 0 and there are no more deals. But wait! You can do it all again on Cyber Monday and feed your reward centre once more. Hoorah. And then Tuesday comes 🙁

To address feelings of emptiness many people self-medicate with food, cigarettes, sex, alcohol, drugs or other things. Like shopping, these things do not address your emotional needs for satisfaction. You need to go inside and understand what makes you tick, what fulfils and motivates you. When you know these things, you can live a life that has these things in and lights up your pleasure centres. My work with clients is all about this which I call ‘finding your joy’. I know it can seem hard when it’s not happening but it is possible, I promise.

 

My Black Friday offer

The intention of this post was to show you that ‘stuff’ might not be the answer to your happiness. But can the same be said for experiences? In 2015, I had a whole year of not buying any stuff and spent by money on experiences instead. Wow that was a great year. And I have the photos to prove it lol.

Because I am a Hypnotherapist (I’ve started to say with knobs on because what I do is use a number of techniques to get best outcomes for my clients) what I offer you is life changing. A deep dive into self to overcome issues that hold you back and create the motivation, confidence and direction for your wonderful future.

So this Black Friday I invite you to pick up the phone, call me 07530 890089 and have your free 20 minute consultation. If you decide to book in for some sessions, you might not even notice next Black Friday as you may just be living your dream.

Sending you happy vibes.

Honey

What does Hypnosis feel like?

What does Hypnosis feel like?

A question I am asked a lot is what does Hypnosis feel like?  And I answer that it is different for everyone.

How Hypnosis might feel

I remember my first Hypnotic experience during an NLP course some years ago. I closed my eyes and was encouraged to connect with myself inside and I had a light trance. I thought wow, that’s interesting!

I trained as a Hypnotherapist pretty soon after that and as a result had a lot of Hypnosis. Which was great! I noticed that I went into deeper and better trances as I allowed myself to and saw the benefit of it. During the training we had to do 50 hours of practice and I noticed that everyone’s Hypnosis experience was different.

 

How people say Hypnosis feels

Hypnotic experiences can vary greatly from a light trance where someone relaxes for the first time in ages, to a very deep experience. It’s a different feeling to describe but I will use some of the things that my clients have told me to try and explain it to you.

Hypnosis is becoming more and more widely used. More people are recognising that’s it’s a safe way to improve their life. The most common uses of Hypnosis are to help with anxiety, phobias and weight loss. I’ve been using it to treat depression for a number of years.

Something important for people who feel depressed or anxious is to feel something different. And Hypnosis certainly achieves that. When you have felt something different to how you may have felt for a long time, it feels great!

 

Feelings of Hypnosis

Hypnosis is not sleep. Even though the word ‘sleep’ is commonly used, you are not asleep. You are in a trance but your subconscious mind is actually very alert.

You will feel relaxation in your body and your mind. But relaxation is not the goal of Hypnosis; change is.

You already go into Hypnosis yourself many times a day. You know when you arrive somewhere in the car and think, how did I get here? During running you can go into a trance, when listening to music, watching TV (you know that because you can talk to your kids while they are watching TV and they don’t hear you!).These all examples of trance.

 

Other feelings of Hypnosis are:

  • Being ‘in the zone’ is a form of Hypnosis.
  • Daydreaming is Hypnosis.
  • The feeling before you go to sleep and you have thoughts and ideas that you might not be able to put into words is Hypnosis.
  • Being intently focused is Hypnosis. Especially if your eyes go a bit ‘foggy’ or glazed.
  • Hypnosis is your natural ‘reboot’ and a good healthy thing to have and do.
  • Whilst in Hypnosis, you will hear what’s going on around you but it won’t bother or disturb you in anyway. You are focussed on your own ‘inside’, not what’s going on ‘outside’.
  • It feels nice!
  • It feels natural.
  • You are in control. You won’t say or do anything that you don’t want to.
  • Some people see colours.
  • Some people have wonderful memories.
  • Some people feel connect with their ‘higher self’ or ‘inner self’.

 

After Hypnosis

 

As much as I love Hypnosis, I think the best bit is afterwards. You will feel lighter and brighter. You will have let go of things that were troubling you and be ready for better things. Some people clear up or accept issues and pain that have been around for years. You may be able to forgive others and yourself and let go of guilt or shame.

You might still feel relaxed afterwards, not to the point where you can’t function because your Hypnotist will have brought you back to full consciousness. But you might have let some issues or emotional baggage go and that can mean to feel a bit tired.

Or you might feel super energised and ready for action! After a recent deep Hypnosis session I spent a week decluttering and organising. So not only did I feel great internally but had loads of focus and drive to get things done. Hoorah!

 

So you want to know more or book an appointment?

If you want to chat about Hypnosis or you are ready to make an appointment, please do get in touch. Best way is on my mobile 07530 890089

 

 

 

World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers

World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers

So as a Hypnotherapist working with people’s mental health on a regular basis, I had a real choice of things to write about before I settled on this World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers title.

I’m not going to bombard you with stats about Mental Health in this post because you will know if your teenager (or you) needs help and support and that is the purpose of this post.

 

The reason I chose to blog about teenagers for World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day

I love teenagers, I was one once lol. And I remember not liking it much and losing my way. I had wonderful parents but I didn’t go to them for help or talk to them about how I felt. It wasn’t their fault and it wasn’t my fault. It just was that way.

In my Corporate life I mentored teenagers to get into the workplace and now I help teenagers to deal with life 🙂

The biggest rise I have seen in my client base over the past year have been teenage girls. I could say it’s because of the rise of social media; Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Pinterest (not sure the teenagers use that as much?) because there is a lot of research that suggests that social media is damaging for self-esteem. But fighting social media or helping a teenage girl become more comfortable in her own skin? I know which is the easier option.

So let’s look at how I help teenage girls really get more of a sense of themselves and have more confidence and resilience, so they can deal with life better and be happier.

Issues that teenagers are facing:

  • Body image
  • Feeling sad
  • Depressed
  • Hiding from the world
  • Shame
  • Being bullied
  • Pressure of school
  • Academic performance
  • Lack of confidence
  • Relationships with others

 

But most of all:

The relationship that they have with themselves

 

Now I’ve been helping adults on their relationships with themselves for a long time. At the route of most depression is not liking yourself. People live miserable lives for a very long time for 2 main reasons (in my opinion):

  • They don’t understand themselves enough to know what their strengths are and to remember why they are amazing as their unique selves
  • They have lived a life full of events and sometimes traumas and believe the stories in their head.

 

What I mean by a story is when things have happened in your life and they give you a particular belief. Let’s take a relationship breakup. You might think that you are not loveable and that is a story that starts to become true for you. When you meet a potential partner or love interest, you (in your head) are living and believing your own story that you are not loveable. This may leak into your body language and the way you communicate and affect this potential relationship. So that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; the relationship is not a success and that backs up your belief that you are not loveable.

 

The life of a teenager

 

crab

A teenager has a childhood behind them but during their teenage years they are exploring and discovering life and themselves. So any little chink in their armour, comments, arguments, negative comments or implications (we all know that so much can be implied  by just a look) all sink into them. We all pick up tiny subtle movements from each other because we are similar to animals in that way and communicate continuously through body language.

All the while, teenagers are receiving chinks in their armour. Reminds me of one of those soft crabs that needs time for its shell to harden so the birds can’t hurt it. They are finding their way and every chink in their armour hurts them and stops them being as tough as they need to be to face this world of ours. And we all know how tough life can be. Not always, but it has its moments.

All you want for your kid is for them to be able to handle it, be happy and for them to succeed at the things that are important to them. That’s all you want isn’t it.

And so when your kid comes to you (or maybe doesn’t) and tells you that they are not happy and life isn’t going well or maybe even that they hate themselves, that is really heart breaking 🙁

 

Help available for teenagers

 

Most teenagers that I see in my Hypnortherapy practice in West Sussex and Worldwide on Skype, have never been taught about positive thinking. Or techniques on how to protect and nurture their mental health. Many (and their parents) won’t like the term mental health, so I am very cautious of the language that I use with teenagers.

Some schools are becoming more aware of the need to educate their students on how to look after mental health and physical health. Things that today’s society are feeling the ill effects of. But schools have ciricculums to stick to and targets to meet, so the time and resources allocated to these matters are limited.

As parents we are often not proficient in the art of managing mental health ourselves. So many adults have stress, anxiety and depression themselves. They are just trying to scrape through life and doing the best they can for their children.

Many families have a working mum and dad and then there are single parent families and there are just so many demands on people’s time and energy. But more so, people just don’t have the skills and techniques to bring these teenagers through it and show them how things can be different.

And often the last person a teenager wants to hear from is their parents or teacher! So there is this huge gap to fill.

 

How I help teenagers

 

What I do with teenagers is to focus on the positives. Build them up strong. A teenager has plenty of time to understand their areas of development and flaws. The last thing they need to be brought tot their attention is to focus on their flaws. They need to be rebuilt and taught resilience.

So we focus on the positive and we do lots of positive work. We focus on how to change their state. State is the way we choose to feel at any given time. There is a great big range of emotion from sad to elated and everything inbetween and believe me, teenagers can feel those full range of emotions on what seems like an hourly basis.

The first thing that I teach teenagers are easy techniques so they can discretley manager their own state. From the first session they go out the door knowing that they have tools for life. and these tools are cool! Only 250 practitioners Worldwide are using these skills (separate blog post another day) and they are amazing. Teenagers love them.

I give them skills and tools for life to help them manage how they feel and get out of sticky emotional situations and shift those blue days where everything feels terrible.

I give them a maintenance plan to take with them, so they don’t have to worry about remembering things and it doesn’t feel like homework!

The next sessions I do work are what I call ‘work of the self’. Looking inside at what’s good about them and what’s important to them. And why they need to protect that to make them strong against the storms.

I use Hypnosis too which is perfectly safe on children age 5+. Hypnosis on a teenager is practically the same as an adult but you use language that appeals to a teenager. I use that to introduce a huge feeling of calm into their lives because they are usually so tense and anxious and worried and stressed with all that’s going on. They can just escape all that and float away to relax and find that calm place inside themselves. They can reconnect to that calm place whenever they need to with a recording that I give them.

Another skill for life. How to unwind your mind and take yourself away from the things that are bothering you and come back feeling relaxed and refreshed and ready to roll.

 

And what about mum and dad?

Supporting teenagers can be testing, tiring and thankless! So if you need help unwinding, keeping your cool or getting creative on strategies to cope. Make your appointment 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

The secret of why you feel emotions that you don’t understand

The secret of why you feel emotions that you don’t understand

In this post I am going to explain the secret of why you feel emotions that you don’t understand. And I want you to share this information with as many people as possible because it really could save a lot of heartache.

 

We all have two minds…

 

Did you know that your mind has two parts? The conscious and the subconscious. The conscious mind could be called the more rational. It makes decisions based on logic and chooses our behaviour. Most of the time in day to day life we operate in a conscious state. The conscious part of our brain is  the smaller less powerful part (although still very powerful!). The conscious part lets us work, study, operate on a daily basis.

The dominant part of the mind is the subconscious. We access the subconscious naturally when we ‘daydream’ or drift off to sleep. The subconscious is powerful when we dream. It tries to make sense of all the information it has absorbed or is processing.

The subconscious is like a blank canvas when we are born. We take in around 2 million pieces of information a day, which is far too much for the conscious mind to process. So the subconscious stores in using sight, smell, taste, sound and feelings. It codes our life experiences in this way which is why both good and bad experiences can have smells or noises attached to them. All this goes on automatically so we don’t really have much control about our built in ‘coding’.

So the phrase ‘in two minds’ is literally that. When we are making a decision we might use the conscious mind to think about it logically, but the subconscious mind will be the more feeling part. Kind of like head and heart centred thinking.  

 

How you can harness the power of your subconscious mind….

 

Your subconscious is there to protect you and always acts in the way it thinks is best for you. This can become a problem if its ‘coding’ is not helpful. For example, it has learnt that when you are scared or worried you should have a panic attack, or when you are sad you should eat for comfort.  People get confused about why they are behaving in a way that is not helpful or they can’t control. This is because the subconscious is the more powerful force and is leading behaviour and emotion.

You can use will power to try and beat an issue, but will power comes from the conscious mind so may only be temporary. Long lasting change needs to be made in the subconscious.

To access the subconscious mind and make changes you need to relax the conscious mind. You can do this with Hypnotherapy (trance hypnosis) or NLP (waking hypnosis). Once the conscious mind is relaxed, the subconscious is present and changes can be made. Sort of like recoding (in a safe and pleasant way).

You will experience wonderful relaxing feelings and connect to the subconscious part of your mind. The part that seems to be on a whole different level and you experience different thoughts that sometimes you can’t even put into words.

 

The reason you have emotions that you don’t understand

 

Because your subconscious is accessed by bypassing your conscious mind, when you rationally try and understand why you feel how you feel, the true reason may not be apparent because it is buried in the subconscious.

This is often the case for people who have experienced trauma that bury that stuff so deep inside, they never really think about it.

Sometime the case with grief too.

Because no one really likes pain do they. (Well maybe those lot on Ninja Warrior but not the rest of us!). So the good old subconscious (remember always aiming to look after you) buries that deep down inside. But as the saying goes, the truth will always out and oops there it is….  

 

How the problem presents itself….

 

Now I have a fair few years as a therapist under my belt but I never assume because the subconscious is super clever and even my client may not understand the processing that takes place. 

But what I can tell you is that behind most issues that we face there is an emotion and emotions are held where? In the subconscious!

Here are some the things that I see clients for where there are obvious and less obvious emotional connections:

Depression – often linked to emotions in the past that can be cleared up

Weight loss – often  linked to emotions about self esteem

Anxiety – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep

Smoking – surprisingly often linked to the emotion that drives the habit rather than the nicotine addiction

Confidence – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep

Sleep – often linked to an emotions 

Stress – often linked to the emotions of overwhelm and being out of control 

 

So what can you do to feel better?

 

Many people get advice from their doctor first and some end up on medication or anti depressants. some seek counselling or Pychotherapy.

It isn’t as simple as saying to the subconscious ‘change this’. The subconscious is like a child. It needs to believe what is being said, it needs to feel its the right thing to do. It needs to buy into it and the conscious mind has to also want the change (that is usually the case where someone has got to the point they seek help unless there is a secondary gain).

A good Hypnotherapist or NLP Master Practitioner will work with you to make the changes to the emotions that drive the behaviours that made you seek help.

I call it ‘soothing and smoothing’. Sooth the pain and smooth the trigger and issue, Job done. Feel better 🙂

I am even able to work content free by working directly with the subconscious without talking about the issue specifically. I don’t need to know the issue/trauma necessarily but the subconscious does.

Children operate in the subconscious a lot! They have wonderful imagination and intuition. They respond to stories which appeal to the subconscious and significant changes can be made to their lives, meaning happier childhoods and lasting change through to adulthood.

The subconscious is also like a sponge for storing positivity as well as negativity. So accessing your subconscious and pumping it full of lovely positivity is really cool.  This is what successful people do regularly! Just ask Tony Robbins 🙂

 

Get in touch so I can help you or your child.

 

I use Hypnotherapy, NLP, Reiki and life coaching to help children over 5 and adults overcome problems and issues. I work face to face in Lancing, Worthing, Shoreham and Brighton and worldwide on Skype. I love talking to people and would happy to have a chat with you about how I could help you or your child.

 

Listen for the silence of suicide – World Suicide Prevention Day

Listen for the silence of suicide – World Suicide Prevention Day

Today is suicide prevention day which is a good way to raise awareness because there is a silence to suicide.

People that feel suicidal or deeply depressed often stay silent about how they are feeling

Each year, over 800,000 people die by suicide and up to 25 times as many make a suicide attempt. Every single one of the people in these statistics have felt that life is no longer worth living. But many of these people won’t have told anyone how they are feeling. Most people will have family, friends, work colleagues and neighbours but when they spoke to these people they didn’t tell them how unbearable they were finding their lives.

I wonder why it is that people suffering emotionally so deeply feel they can’t share their feelings with anyone. There may be a number of reasons:

  • They may be embarrassed to tell someone
  • They may feel guilty for feeling this way
  • They might not want to burden someone else with their problems
  • They might think how they are feeling will go away on its own

 

Could you save a life?

The theme of the 2017 World Suicide Prevention Day is ‘Take a minute, change a life.’ This means noticing is someone around you is struggling and checking in with them. You don’t have to have all the answers for them, just let them know you are there and you care. Offering a gentle word of support and listening in a non-judgemental way can make all the difference.

There is no need for silence about suicide. The more open we are in society and communities about it, the more help it will be. .

People who have lived through a suicide attempt have much to teach us about how the words and actions of others are important. They often talk movingly about reaching the point where they could see no alternative but to take their own life, and about the days, hours and minutes leading up to this. They often describe realising that they did not want to die but instead wanted someone to intervene and stop them. Many say that they actively sought someone who would sense their despair and ask them whether they were okay.

The International Association For Suicide Prevention Society have spoken to suicide survivors who said if someone had asked if they were okay, they had decided to talk to them and accept their support. Sadly, they often reflect that no one asked.

Can you imagine saving someone’s life. Just by asking if they are ok? I mean REALLY ok?

You don’t need to be an expert of any kind to help someone. You just need to listen. Often that first opening up to someone is therapeutic to the person feeling suicidal will seek help or be open to seeking help after they have opened up. Its like they are a pressure cooker and they’ve let a bit of the steam out.

The smallest bit of compassion and empathy can be all someone delicate needs to feel that life is worth living.

Suicide affects more than just one life

Obviously it is extremely sad that anyone commits suicide but the pain they leave for those around them can live on forever.  A suicide is shocking for all involved. Even if you don’t know someone very well, it can still be shocking and painful.

People left behind often spend years with very raw and painful emotions.

What makes people feel suicidal?

It is often an event like divorce or redundancy that can really bring someone down. Or stress or depression just becomes unbearable.  It is so important to look after your mental health and seek support if you feel you need it. Seeking help can make a tremendous difference to how you feel.

The stats around suicide

  • Suicide is the 15th leading cause of death globally, account for 1.4% of all deaths and
  • The global suicide rate is 11.4 per 100 000 population
  • More males 15 in 100,000 are affected than females 8 in 100,000
  • Suicide is the leading cause of death in people aged 15-24 in many European countries
  • Depression is the most common psychiatric disorder in people who die by suicide
  • 50% of individuals in high income countries who die by suicide have major depressive disorder at their time of death
  • For every 1 suicide 25 people make a suicide attempt
  • 60 people are affected by each suicide death. This equates to 48 million people bereaved by suicide worldwide every year

This World Suicide Prevention Day and everyday take a minute to reach out to someone – this can change a life

There are numerous relevant resources on the websites of the International Association for Suicide Prevention (https://www.iasp.info/resources) and the World Health Organization (http://www.who.int).

Light a candle

You might choose to Light a Candle near a Window at 8 PM to support World Suicide Prevention Day 2017 to show your support for suicide prevention,  to remember a lost loved one, and for the survivors of suicide.

The Samaritans are an excellent source of support if you need to talk to someone. Their number is 116 123. You do not need to suffer in silence.

Finally, if there is anyone you are concerned about, take a minute to check in with them. It could change their life.

Sending you healing and compassionate vibes.

Honey

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