I’m so excited to do this book review of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers because it is one of my all time favourite books. One everyone should read! Especially people who are scared of change and embracing the new.
Susan Jeffers (1938-2012) was an American best-selling author and sought-after public speaker. She appeared on many radio and television shows internationally. She saw herself as someone meant to do something in addition to raising a family. And boy did she, even thought at the time it was against society’s expectations.
When her children were young she attained a BA, Master’s Degree, and Doctorate in Psychology. She then became the Executive Director of The Floating Hospital, New York’s Ship of Health.
She survived a divorce, a mastectomy and a decade as a single working parent. She is a true example of someone who felt the fear but did it anyway.
She helped millions of people throughout the world overcome their fears, heal their relationships, and move forward in life with confidence and love.
Susan’s reading list
You only have to look at her recommended reading list to get a feeling for her and what she was all about. Here are some of the books from that list:
Susan explains how fear seems to be everywhere in our lives. We ‘fear beginnings and we fear endings’! We also fear:
- Staying the same
I see fear of these on a regular basis in my Hypnotherapy practice. People who want help getting through a job interview, exam or driving test have fear.
People who are ready to change their lives but are scared. People who have had enough are scared of what their lives have become and will continue to be.
Scared of not being about to lose the weight…scared of what they will do instead of smoking….. and anxiety is full of fear of course.
Teenagers who are scared of bullies or being themselves. I would say people are even scared to fully relax sometimes. And there is definitely fear around what others think.
But when you remove fear. You get better things in its place. You get power, energy and excitement.
Fear is an energy
Fear can be a useful response because it warns us of perceived danger and gives us a ‘boost’ to avoid getting hurt. Very useful for cavemen who had to avoid wild animals and also useful for that run you do to get out of the way of a car. But not always useful for some of life.
Level one fears are those on the surface
Susan lists fears are those that just happen like getting old, being alone or not having enough money.
And then fears that need action like changing career, losing weight or stating or ending relationships.
I would just like to make the point that fears do not need to be ‘big’ to feel big. The fear someone feels is not related to society’s perceived view of whether that is a justified fear. Fears that cause extreme fear are called phobias.
Level two fears are held within you. Susan gives examples of those as:
- Being rejected
- Being at risk
- Being tricked
- Being helpless
- Being disapproved of
- Losing yourself
These kind of fears are around your sense of sense and often difficult to understand on your own. They seep into all areas of your life and cause problems. This is what the self-help industry is built on. An of course, as a therapist, I help many clients with this sort of thing.
Susan then details level three fears under the title of ‘I can’t handle it!’
These fears are ‘major’ and will probably hold you back. They include feeling like you can’t handle:
- Being alone
- Your job
- Losing money
Do you have any level three fears and what impact are they having on your life? I can help you.
The good news is that Susan’s work aims to impart the knowledge and feelings which she poses as this question:
Question – If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possible have to fear?
Answer – NOTHING!
By lessening or removing your fear you gain more trust in the knowledge that you can handle anything that comes you way 🙂 Sounds great doesn’t it? As you continue to read the book (or listen to it as I did on a very long car journey!) you will feel this amazing sense that you can handle whatever comes your way. It is so empowering.
We believe what we tell ourselves
Our brains don’t know the difference between fact and fiction. So if you tell yourself good things, you will feel good. It is such a simple concept and one to teach your children for sure.
As Susan says in the book. We tell our children to be ‘careful’. This is giving messages that the world is full of danger. We say this because we don’t want them to hurt themselves and we will hurt too if anything happens to them. We are projecting our own fear onto them.
Can you imagine if Richard Branson had been fearful. Things would be very different.
If everyone had been to scared to go into space?
Or Columbus had been scared of sailing?
You can push through fear
There are many strategies for pushing through fear. Susan’s approach is to push through one fear, into the next! She sees the growth that this gives. I was looking at Amy Porterfield’s webpage recently and saw she has 250,000 Facebook fans! She does webinars to help people with their websites and stuff and I thought, I bet she felt nervous on her first webinar! But she has pushed through the fear each time.
Another example of pushing through fear is when people hold spiders to get rid of their fear of spiders. This can have some bad consequences (I know because I have had clients in my Hypnotherapy practice that I have had to sort out because they have done this). But for many people, this works!
Overcoming fears makes you feel good!
It is natural to feel fear when you have to do something you haven’t done before. Whether that’s having a baby or a job interview!
One of the truest things I feel Susan says in her book is ‘pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the constant fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness’. How true this is!
Your mind is amazingly powerful, brilliant and creative and as much as it comes up with wonderful ideas that are helpful, it can also really go to down with feeling fearful, catastrophising and making you dread things that could be wonderful and exciting for you.
Fears I help people with in my West Sussex Hypnotherapy practice
One of the best uses of Hypnotherapy is overcoming fear. Phobias are far more common than many people realise. It is estimated that more than 11% of the population have some kind of irrational fear. Here are some of the common fears I help people overcome:
- Public speaking
- Driving tests
Fear can stop you living the life you want to and doing things that you would enjoy or flourish at.
Get in touch and get rid of your fears and phobias today
I am ready and waiting to help you.
When I feel nervous about something I always think of that saying ‘it’s the things you didn’t do that you regret, not the things you did’.
So don’t regret not following me on Instagram or liking my Facebook page! See you there for inspiration and motivation 🙂
A question I am asked a lot is what does Hypnosis feel like? And I answer that it is different for everyone.
How Hypnosis might feel
I remember my first Hypnotic experience during an NLP course some years ago. I closed my eyes and was encouraged to connect with myself inside and I had a light trance. I thought wow, that’s interesting!
I trained as a Hypnotherapist pretty soon after that and as a result had a lot of Hypnosis. Which was great! I noticed that I went into deeper and better trances as I allowed myself to and saw the benefit of it. During the training we had to do 50 hours of practice and I noticed that everyone’s Hypnosis experience was different.
How people say Hypnosis feels
Hypnotic experiences can vary greatly from a light trance where someone relaxes for the first time in ages, to a very deep experience. It’s a different feeling to describe but I will use some of the things that my clients have told me to try and explain it to you.
Hypnosis is becoming more and more widely used. More people are recognising that’s it’s a safe way to improve their life. The most common uses of Hypnosis are to help with anxiety, phobias and weight loss. I’ve been using it to treat depression for a number of years.
Something important for people who feel depressed or anxious is to feel something different. And Hypnosis certainly achieves that. When you have felt something different to how you may have felt for a long time, it feels great!
Feelings of Hypnosis
Hypnosis is not sleep. Even though the word ‘sleep’ is commonly used, you are not asleep. You are in a trance but your subconscious mind is actually very alert.
You will feel relaxation in your body and your mind. But relaxation is not the goal of Hypnosis; change is.
You already go into Hypnosis yourself many times a day. You know when you arrive somewhere in the car and think, how did I get here? During running you can go into a trance, when listening to music, watching TV (you know that because you can talk to your kids while they are watching TV and they don’t hear you!).These all examples of trance.
Other feelings of Hypnosis are:
- Being ‘in the zone’ is a form of Hypnosis.
- Daydreaming is Hypnosis.
- The feeling before you go to sleep and you have thoughts and ideas that you might not be able to put into words is Hypnosis.
- Being intently focused is Hypnosis. Especially if your eyes go a bit ‘foggy’ or glazed.
- Hypnosis is your natural ‘reboot’ and a good healthy thing to have and do.
- Whilst in Hypnosis, you will hear what’s going on around you but it won’t bother or disturb you in anyway. You are focussed on your own ‘inside’, not what’s going on ‘outside’.
- It feels nice!
- It feels natural.
- You are in control. You won’t say or do anything that you don’t want to.
- Some people see colours.
- Some people have wonderful memories.
- Some people feel connect with their ‘higher self’ or ‘inner self’.
As much as I love Hypnosis, I think the best bit is afterwards. You will feel lighter and brighter. You will have let go of things that were troubling you and be ready for better things. Some people clear up or accept issues and pain that have been around for years. You may be able to forgive others and yourself and let go of guilt or shame.
You might still feel relaxed afterwards, not to the point where you can’t function because your Hypnotist will have brought you back to full consciousness. But you might have let some issues or emotional baggage go and that can mean to feel a bit tired.
Or you might feel super energised and ready for action! After a recent deep Hypnosis session I spent a week decluttering and organising. So not only did I feel great internally but had loads of focus and drive to get things done. Hoorah!
So you want to know more or book an appointment?
If you want to chat about Hypnosis or you are ready to make an appointment, please do get in touch. Best way is on my mobile 07530 890089
People who have stopped with me know that Hypnotherapy is the easy way to stop smoking. There is a special offer for you at the bottom of this blog. Please pass it on or share this blog to help other people stop smoking and take advantage of this special offer.
Is it time for you to give up smoking?
Giving up smoking is one of the best things you can do to dramatically improve your health and life expectancy. On average, non-smokers live around a decade longer than smokers.
As well as improving your own health and wellbeing, you’ll also give your family peace of mind in the knowledge you’re doing everything you can to be with them for as long as possible.
The benefits of giving up smoking are endless, from better breathing to saving on average £2,920 per year. You can work out your cost savings here.
If you’ve ever suffered a heart attack, quitting smoking can reduce your chances of having another one by up to 50%.
E-Cigarettes Aren’t Always the Answer
Vapour devices aren’t always the best solution as the nicotine and the smoking habit still exists. It’s not until you eliminate the habit that you become a non-smoker.
How is Hypnotherapy Effective for Giving up Smoking?
There are dozens of methods to stop smoking, including patches, gum or prescribed drugs. The effectiveness of these methods is varied, but many people struggle as they don’t help you at an unconscious level.
Hypnotherapy works with the greater part of your mind, the subconscious mind, which is responsible for behaviour. By working with the subconscious, your desire to smoke is removed and the determination to stay a non-smoker is enhanced.
I use Harley Street techniques
It costs £1000 to give up smoking with a Hypnotherapist in Harley Street. I’m offering the same treatment here in West Sussex for far less. And you don’t have to get on the Tube!
It’s taken me a few years to perfect my stop smoking treatment. Even though Hypnotherapy alone is enough, I want to cover all bases and make sure my client stops for good and is confident that this has happened.
I now blend Hypnotherapy, NLP and tapping to deliver a stop smoking session which address any emotional reasons for smoking, the habit itself and the belief that you are now a non smoker.
I build in strategies for not putting on weight, feeling like you are missing out and seeking comfort in smoking. These are issues I have found that people are concerned about when giving up.
You will be able to cope with situations where you may have previously wanted to smoke.
You will fully understand the reasons why you personally have given up smoking and buy into them at a deep unconscious level.
What is the Process with Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy?
The stop smoking treatment is a one session treatment, where we’ll discuss your own reasons for giving up and wanting a healthier life. You walk in a smoker and out a non-smoker. Job done.
You will also be given recordings to use at home, ensuring you retain the state of mind which tells you that you don’t need to smoke.
Special offer for my blog readers
If you mention this blog when you call to book your stop smoking session I will give you £50 off the full price of my treatment so you stop smoking forever. Contact me now and book in.
Self-care is a hot topic and the Spa is a booming industry but I want to explain why self-care is more than a Spa Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love a Spa and once spent a week at Champneys!
But the point I want to make in this blog is that twofold. Firstly, self-care is different things to everyone and secondly, small regular self-care is more beneficial for your mental health and more practical to incorporate into your busy life than a Spa Day..
What my friends said self-care is
I asked my Facebook friends of ways they self-care and here is what they said.
– Recognising the negative voice in your head isn’t you. And disowning it so you can be the real you ❤️
Self-care can be preventing stress
I once read that one of the biggest causes of stress is things that are broken or don’t work around the home. I agree! I’ve had a wobbly kitchen door for a long time and kept screwing it back in but it was never properly fixed and became irritating. Anyway it eventually fell off! So then I had a door-less cupboard which looked a bit strange. I had it fixed and for a couple of days kept admiring it. Who would have thought that a door could bring happiness?
And here are some practical ideas of self-care from me:
- Back up your computer. It can be a real trauma to lose your photos or work
- Store your photos in Dropbox or similar. Protect your treasure memories
- Online shopping – need I say more!
- Organise your wardrobe. Only have things that fir in your wardrobe so you don’t spend ages finding something to wear and feel bad about things that don’t fit right now
- Sort out your finances.
- Dal with letters ASAP
- Keep a calendar/diary
- Unsubscribe from emails that don’t add value to your life
- Subscribe to something that adds value to your life. That’s my FREE 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge
- Batch cook. Freeze some, eat some. Cost effective too.
- Declutter your house, create space
- Declutter your car, enjoy driving
- Declutter your loft, never panic about finding the Halloween stuff again
- Declutter your garage, yes you have 4 bicycle locks already
- Declutter your Facebook friends
- Declutter your Instagram
- Get your books on kindle
- Keep water and snacks in your car so you can always maintain your energy levels
And the best thing about self-care?
Self-care, like rest, is time for you. You enjoy your time and your life. To feed your joy. So it’s important to know how to do that! My theory is that people with a passion in life are very lucky.
I recently went to my favourite bird of prey centre and the passion the handlers have for their birds is amazing. They look them with love and one keeper said to his bird ‘come to daddy’! How wonderful to have an interest you never tire of and you love to bits. Not quite self-care but you get my drift?
When we understand what gives us joy, what makes up feel rested and happy. We can do it as often as we like 🙂
The list of things that gives us joy and makes us happy could be endless and they could be small things. Easy to do. Cheap or free. You’ve just got to experiment and find them. Children as very good at this. They are usually open minded and experimental. They try different clubs and hobbies to see what they enjoy and what they like the most. Children usually go where the fun (for them) is!
Take a little time for self-care today
What are you going to do to nurture and nourish yourself today? I would love to hear about it in the comments or share this blog with someone you care about so they can self-care before their next Spa Day.
In this post I am going to explain the secret of why you feel emotions that you don’t understand. And I want you to share this information with as many people as possible because it really could save a lot of heartache.
We all have two minds…
Did you know that your mind has two parts? The conscious and the subconscious. The conscious mind could be called the more rational. It makes decisions based on logic and chooses our behaviour. Most of the time in day to day life we operate in a conscious state. The conscious part of our brain is the smaller less powerful part (although still very powerful!). The conscious part lets us work, study, operate on a daily basis.
The dominant part of the mind is the subconscious. We access the subconscious naturally when we ‘daydream’ or drift off to sleep. The subconscious is powerful when we dream. It tries to make sense of all the information it has absorbed or is processing.
The subconscious is like a blank canvas when we are born. We take in around 2 million pieces of information a day, which is far too much for the conscious mind to process. So the subconscious stores in using sight, smell, taste, sound and feelings. It codes our life experiences in this way which is why both good and bad experiences can have smells or noises attached to them. All this goes on automatically so we don’t really have much control about our built in ‘coding’.
So the phrase ‘in two minds’ is literally that. When we are making a decision we might use the conscious mind to think about it logically, but the subconscious mind will be the more feeling part. Kind of like head and heart centred thinking.
How you can harness the power of your subconscious mind….
Your subconscious is there to protect you and always acts in the way it thinks is best for you. This can become a problem if its ‘coding’ is not helpful. For example, it has learnt that when you are scared or worried you should have a panic attack, or when you are sad you should eat for comfort. People get confused about why they are behaving in a way that is not helpful or they can’t control. This is because the subconscious is the more powerful force and is leading behaviour and emotion.
You can use will power to try and beat an issue, but will power comes from the conscious mind so may only be temporary. Long lasting change needs to be made in the subconscious.
To access the subconscious mind and make changes you need to relax the conscious mind. You can do this with Hypnotherapy (trance hypnosis) or NLP (waking hypnosis). Once the conscious mind is relaxed, the subconscious is present and changes can be made. Sort of like recoding (in a safe and pleasant way).
You will experience wonderful relaxing feelings and connect to the subconscious part of your mind. The part that seems to be on a whole different level and you experience different thoughts that sometimes you can’t even put into words.
The reason you have emotions that you don’t understand
Because your subconscious is accessed by bypassing your conscious mind, when you rationally try and understand why you feel how you feel, the true reason may not be apparent because it is buried in the subconscious.
This is often the case for people who have experienced trauma that bury that stuff so deep inside, they never really think about it.
Sometime the case with grief too.
Because no one really likes pain do they. (Well maybe those lot on Ninja Warrior but not the rest of us!). So the good old subconscious (remember always aiming to look after you) buries that deep down inside. But as the saying goes, the truth will always out and oops there it is….
How the problem presents itself….
Now I have a fair few years as a therapist under my belt but I never assume because the subconscious is super clever and even my client may not understand the processing that takes place.
But what I can tell you is that behind most issues that we face there is an emotion and emotions are held where? In the subconscious!
Here are some the things that I see clients for where there are obvious and less obvious emotional connections:
Depression – often linked to emotions in the past that can be cleared up
Weight loss – often linked to emotions about self esteem
Anxiety – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep
Smoking – surprisingly often linked to the emotion that drives the habit rather than the nicotine addiction
Confidence – often linked to an emotion that is buried deep
Sleep – often linked to an emotions
Stress – often linked to the emotions of overwhelm and being out of control
So what can you do to feel better?
Many people get advice from their doctor first and some end up on medication or anti depressants. some seek counselling or Pychotherapy.
It isn’t as simple as saying to the subconscious ‘change this’. The subconscious is like a child. It needs to believe what is being said, it needs to feel its the right thing to do. It needs to buy into it and the conscious mind has to also want the change (that is usually the case where someone has got to the point they seek help unless there is a secondary gain).
A good Hypnotherapist or NLP Master Practitioner will work with you to make the changes to the emotions that drive the behaviours that made you seek help.
I call it ‘soothing and smoothing’. Sooth the pain and smooth the trigger and issue, Job done. Feel better 🙂
I am even able to work content free by working directly with the subconscious without talking about the issue specifically. I don’t need to know the issue/trauma necessarily but the subconscious does.
Children operate in the subconscious a lot! They have wonderful imagination and intuition. They respond to stories which appeal to the subconscious and significant changes can be made to their lives, meaning happier childhoods and lasting change through to adulthood.
The subconscious is also like a sponge for storing positivity as well as negativity. So accessing your subconscious and pumping it full of lovely positivity is really cool. This is what successful people do regularly! Just ask Tony Robbins 🙂
Get in touch so I can help you or your child.
I use Hypnotherapy, NLP, Reiki and life coaching to help children over 5 and adults overcome problems and issues. I work face to face in Lancing, Worthing, Shoreham and Brighton and worldwide on Skype. I love talking to people and would happy to have a chat with you about how I could help you or your child.