How I got my limiting belief about parking tickets
A few years ago someone told me that if you don’t fit your whole car in a car park space (including the tow bar) that a traffic warden could give you a parking ticket. So for years I have sought big enough parking spaces to make sure I could fit my whole car in them. It only occurred to me today that I had lived by this ‘rule’ without even checking if it’s true!
The point of telling you this is that quite often we make ‘rules’ for ourselves which we then then strictly live by. And most of the time they are complete nonsense but stop us doing so many things that we could or would do. These ‘limiting beliefs’ can seriously alter the course of your life, stop you taking opportunities and stop you fulfilling your potential.
Can you imagine how much time and petrol I have spent finding spaces when I could have parked in the first one I saw. Limiting beliefs do this. They stop us getting things we want or need. They ‘block’ us.
Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we make them true for ourselves.
Here are some common limiting beliefs that you may have
The first limiting belief that stops you being confident is ‘I’m not confident’. So I ask you? Were you a confident child? Are you not confident in all situations? If you are not confident in social situations but you are confident in your profession or parenting, then maybe it is not true that you are ‘not confident’. Once you overcome your limiting beliefs about not being confident you will be amazed how much confidence you have!
Two common limiting beliefs I hear people say when they come for Hypnotherapy for weight loss are ‘I have a big appetite’ and ‘I can’t lose weight’. Well if you believe these things your body will believe them too. Especially as your brain and stomach are in constant communication (with the stomach being called the second brain). So all the time you believe these beliefs you are unlikely to lose the weight you want to lose. Your brain also likes negativity! So you need to ditch negative limiting beliefs to achieve your weight loss goals.
Of course depression feels very real and it would be hard to think that you have beliefs around depression. But as this is a subject I specialise in as a therapist, I can say with confidence that you may have beliefs along the lines of ‘I can’t enjoy my life’ or ‘I will never be happy’ or ‘I’m not lucky in life’. These are beliefs that will keep you stuck and they are not always easy to overcome on your own.
When you are put in a situation that clashes with your limiting belief this may make you feel anxious. Imagine your limiting belief is that you can’t talk in front of a group and then you are given a presentation to do at work. This causes a lot of people a lot of anxiety to the extent that many people even have panic attacks. Imagine swapping the belief that you can’t talk in front of people to ‘I can talk about anything to anyone’ What would that be like?
If you believe that you can’t be motivated, that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You may let opportunities pass you by, believing you will lack the motivation to do them. You may see other people moving on, doing things you wanted to do. And the truth is they are no different to you but they just don’t hold the same belief around motivation.
If you have lived then you’ve probably loved and maybe been hurt. Quite often this will give you limiting beliefs like ‘I will get hurt’ or ‘no one will love me like I want to be loved’. These are ingrained by your experiences and the pain you felt. With a bit of work on yourself you can overcome these thoughts and feelings.
The limiting beliefs around money are vast! You may have inherited some like ‘it’s wrong to waste money’ or ‘you have to work really hard to make money’ or even some that make you feel guilty about having money. These will hold you back in your career or your business. You need to believe that making money is ok, that you deserve money and that you don’t need to feel guilty about having it or spending it.
Half the job of relaxation is believing that you can! I hear this a lot in my Hypnotherapy practice, people say ‘I can’t relax’ or ‘I can’t meditate’ and so we do some work and then they are soon deeply relaxed. And once that has happened, that belief is soon out the window! My top tip for anything is believe you can and you are halfway there.
Finding your limiting beliefs
Identifying your limiting beliefs can be a big piece of work and NLP can be very useful for identifying them and overcoming them. You can read about NLP here. Basically, we all create our own ‘map of the world’. Our map is what we believe is the way it is, how it should be and how people are and should be. This ‘map’ is created by our own experiences and beliefs we absorb and inherit from others.
If you want to start looking for them then look out for things you think or say that begin with:
I am/am not
We can unknowingly hide behind our limiting beliefs and subconsciously use them as excuses not to push ourselves into uncomfortable situations (which is where we grow the most). We can also use them to protect ourselves from fearful situations. i.e. if your belief is that you don’t ‘fit in’ you will most likely avoid situations where you socialise and therefore avoid your fear of ‘not fitting in’.
Some of the most common limiting beliefs are below. Can you identify with any?
I’m too old, too young, too fat, too out of shape, etc.
I’m not clever enough
I’m not outgoing
I can’t do that.
I don’t have confidence
I don’t have enough skills or talent
I am not motivated
I’m terrible at managing my time, money, etc.
I make too many mistakes
Successful people have more drive than me
I’m a failure
I’m a slow learner
I don’t fit in
I procrastinate too much
I don’t have time
I’m too old to try that
I have too many responsibilities
And of course, the big one that can make or break a life is ‘I’m not good enough’. I just want to tell you now that YOU ARE.
I can help you break through your limiting beliefs and living the life you really want
If you want to explore your limiting beliefs or indeed yourself, please do drop me a text or email and let’s have a chat about introducing you to you 🙂
Sign up for the free 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge
I’ve seen enough ‘frazzled’ clients to understand that prevention is always better than cure when it comes to mental health.
You might want to sign up for my free 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge which is an easy to follow plan for busy people. Just sign up here
People will go to great lengths to ‘hide’ their issues.
A lot of people are secret eating. Hiding food in their homes, desk at work and car. Eating it when there is no one around, knowing they don’t want to be doing that but they say they are unable to stop themselves.
Then there are people suffering from depression and ‘putting a brave face on it’. Laughing and joking in company of others, but thoroughly miserable deep down.
There are people so stressed they can’t sleep properly, can’t ‘switch off’ and have virtually no relaxation time. But they continue to take on more and more, pretending everything is ok and that keeping up high ‘expected’ standards of work, parenting, relationships, appearance and home, even though it is exhausting them.
But how might you hide symptoms of anxiety?
Despite anxiety making it very difficult for some people to do things that they need or want to do in their everyday life, they employ ‘strategies’ to get through life with anxiety. Some of these strategies might be:
Accepting invites to social occasions and then coming up with an excuse at the time of the event so they don’t have to go
Not accepting invitations to anything
Wearing clothing to hide sweat, rashes and other physical symptoms
Not putting themselves in situation where they are ‘visible’, such as presentations at work
Not making close physical contact with people in case anyone notices their sweaty palms or body
Not engaging in conversations in case they let it slip that they have anxiety
Avoiding enclosed spaces
Knowing where toilets are and planning around toilets
Not being your true self is tiring
But living in a way where you are hiding your true self is tiring. You may find it exhausting. It’s almost like an anxiety about the anxiety!
When you are always thinking ahead ‘just in case’ you are also missing out on living in the present moment. Something that increases relaxation, happiness and quality of life. Can you see how anxiety and hiding your symptoms of anxiety are both placed in the future and it uses your energy thinking about things that haven’t yet and might never happen? That uses energy you don’t need to use! Energy you could use to enjoy your life now.
It’s completely understandable why you might want to hide your anxiety symptoms, but there really is no shame in anxiety. It can happen to ANYONE at ANYTIME and it is completely treatable.
Luckily mental health is being talked about more and more and public figures like Prince Harry are really helping. Let’s keep talking about it and moving towards a society where it is easy to get help and talk about things.
It’s not as simple as just saying don’t be anxious….
Anxiety feels very real ,but it’s actually your brain creating it. As a Hypnotherapist who helps a lot of people overcome anxiety for good, I can assure you that you can overcome your anxiety in just 1 or 2 sessions with me.
This week I am posting daily videos on my Facebook page so come on over and watch the videos! And please like my Facebook page while you are there so you can be the first to know of all manner of things 🙂
On some of the days I will give you tips to manage your anxiety which could help you. Let me know how you get on!
Get in touch if you need help with anxiety
If you want 121 help, please do just in touch. I would love to explain how the blend of therapies that I use (Hypnotherapy, NLP Master level and PSY-Tap) remove anxiety forever and change our life. You DO NOT need to live with panic, worry, dread or fear anymore. Or hide it 🙂
Of course the added benefit of Hypnotherapy is that it is deeply relaxing and relaxation is the complete opposite of anxiety. Once you have relaxation in your life you will want it to stay there.
I will need to exercise some self-control in writing this blog, or we could end up with a very long blog! I learnt a long time ago to be less judgemental because working with people I know that not everything is as it seems.
A large part of my work is helping people become more confident, increase their self-esteem and cover what I call ‘work of the self’. This is helping people to understand themselves better through uncovering their values and finding their identity so they can be ‘comfortable in their own skin’. The benefits of this are that they can be more confident in and live their life in a way that feels good for them.
It’s much easier to make the right decisions when you know yourself and the world can see the real you. Everything changes.
What happens when we judge others?
So back to judging others… When we judge others it does two things.
1 – It holds that person up against our own values and beliefs. It has nothing to do with who they are! I’m going to give you some scenarios and I want you to just see what enters your head as I say these things.
2 – It puts bad thoughts in your mind which will make you feel bad
Think about how you might judge these people
A married couple that live apart
Someone that loves to socialise to the point where they spend all their money on it
Someone that is very prudent and rarely ‘splashes out’
Someone that works a lot and is often away from home
Some that does not work
Someone that wears revealing clothes
The thing is you don’t know anything about these people. They might be pure of heart or not, you don’t know. They might be generous or kind, you don’t know. They might be gentle, rich, poor, stressed, depressed, worried…..
Don’t hate the rice!
Judging others does is puts thoughts in your mind which damage your self-esteem. I don’t know if you have ever seen the Rice Consciousness experiment, inspired by Dr Masaru Emoto but it’s fascinating.
By labelling one jar ‘hate’ and the other ‘love’, the rice in the hate jar rots away while the rice in the love jar stays fresh. And this isn’t the only time this has been done. It has been done numerous times with different substances.
So if you think bad thoughts, you will probably feel bad inside (even though you might not consciously connect this). If you think good thoughts, you will feel better. Simples.
And when you judge others less, you will feel less judged yourself. Because if you haven’t having those thoughts about other people why would they be having them about you?
Find the gold
Here are my top tips for not judging others:
Listen to what other people say. Don’t judge them on their clothes, hair, car job. Listen and see them for who they are
Be open minded about new people. They might not look like your ‘type’ of person but they might be the best thing since sliced bread
Don’t go on first impressions. I know they are said to be important but they are just a snapshot of someone at one particular time. Everyone is multi faceted and different situations make people behave differently. If someone is suffering from anxiety or depression, you won’t see the best of them at that time.
Don’t let someone else’s opinion of someone get in the way of you forming your own
Look for things you like about someone rather than something you don’t
Find the gold in someone. What makes their eyes light up? A loved one, a hobbie, holidays? Whatever it is, when you see them talk about it watch them shine and see the best of them
Check your words before they come out of your mouth.Just like you would check an email before sending it. Try and be kind.
Here’s the plan:
Be less judgemental and see if it makes a difference to how you feel and your map of the world
Do you need help?
If you feel judged yourself, that is an indication of low confidence and self-esteem so please get in touch for a free consultation to see how I can help you.
The highest rising demand for my services is with teenage girls. I’m finding they really worry about being judged in terms of are they cool enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Social media like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Pinterest really feeds these insecurities and affects their self-esteem. I work with them to help them like themselves and become more resilient.
Compare the meerkat, oops I mean market, is a great site isn’t it. It gives you confidence in your decision by letting you compare insurance policies based on all their different benefits and features. It’s useful to compare insurance in this way because at the end of the day, you want value for money and the policy that is right for you. There are comparison sites for lots of other things too; Broadband, TVs, cars, holidays, computers. But can you imagine if there was one for people!
It might look something like this:
How would it feel to see yourself judged in this way? Or see those you care about judged in this way? What effect might it have? Well it might upset you to see that you weren’t a ‘yes’ for things you wanted to be a ‘yes’ for. And those ‘no’s’ would become your focus, never mind all the fantastic yes’s you had. This may really affect your confidence.
This is because we are sensitive souls and the mind has a negative bias so it finds it easier to focus on anything negative. Yes, positive thinking takes work. But the good news is that when you do it often it becomes more automatic, but more on that later.
You might then look at the list if you are Saskia and despite the fact that you have been ‘judged’ as being popular, kind and creative you might be jealous that Linda is considered confident and clever. This might make you, Saskia, feel like you are not as good as Linda.
You find it easy to overlook all that is good about you and everything that your friends and family love about you because you are comparing yourself to Linda.
So how might this comparing yourself to others make you feel? You might feel:
That you lack confidence
Unsure of your best qualities
Intimidated by Linda
And as a result you might not shine as yourself, feel lost or retreat and feel unhappy.
We are often least kind to ourselves
Now the funny thing is, we are more brutal with comparing ourselves to others than comparing those we love to others. When we have our love goggles on, we tend to recognise the positive qualities of those we love more easily than our own.
I bet if I said to you now tell me 5 things you really like about someone you love, you could do it in seconds ,but how easily can you do it for yourself? Go on, grab a pen and do it now! Let me know how you get on (I am genuinley interested).
The more we focus on the good, the less the bad matters….
So back to compare the market.com. When we are comparing our insurance, there will be some things that are more important than others. Maybe you can’t live without a courtesy car, or the thought of a large excess fills you will dread, so it’s good to understand what all these things are.
You might make a call to have a chat about some of the policy features and decide that yes that is important to you. You know that when you know your policy priorities you can feel really happy and you have confidence that you have made the right choice
Well people are similar in that we all have inner values which are most important to us. Many people haven’t a clue what theirs are! This is a big piece of the work I do when I see clients in my Hypnotherapy practice in West Sussex and worldwide on Skype.
Many of my clients are what I call ‘out of sorts’. They’ve lost their way and don’t feel like they know themselves and they need some ‘realignment’. We do values work so that they can identify parts of their life which may be conflicting with these values. When you truly understand your values and know yourself better you will just feel ‘more you’. Your decisions and behaviours will be easier to align to your true self and life will be better.
There’s another benefit to knowing yourself. As well as knowing your strengths, it is good to be aware of your shadows. Those quirks and qualities that give you your unique edge and your vulnerability. When you know yourself you will live your life with much more confidence.
Tiger focuses on golf
An example I always use here is education. We expect students to do well in all the subjects and some do. But if you are really amazing at Maths but not English, are you better to focus your energy on the maths or English? Which will make you feel better? Which will you excel at?
I’m not saying that education isn’t important, but can you imagine if they had said to Tiger Woods, ‘yeah, you are really good at golf, but you should be better at tennis so why don’t you spend your time playing tennis!’.
He did what he was good at and had passion for and he excelled. Does he or anyone else care that he isn’t good at tennis? I doubt it!
We are not meerkats (or car insurance)
So continue to compare the market by all means, get the courtesy car and free windscreen repair for a bargain price and wait for your meerkat to arrive in the post, but don’t compare yourself to others. There really is no need. You have good stuff and not so good stuff about your personal qualities and how you look, but unless you are planning on having cosmetic surgery or a personality transplant you are what you are.
Those who love you will love you for what you are and you just need to join you own fan club and celebrate all that is unique, wonderful and special about you.
If you need to know what is special about you just ask your loved ones to make a list of 5 things they love about you and that will be a good start to feeling good about yourself.
How I can help you?
If you want to do some work with me, then please get in touch and let’s start your journey of getting to know you and building your confidence.
If you suffer from anxiety or depression, you might find yourself worrying more during times of uncertainty like the UK election results today. I had an influx of anxious and depression clients in my Hypnotherapy clients following Brexit, but we were able to calm emotions down with the techniques that I teach people.
The thing with uncertainty is that it makes people feel out of control. And when you feel out of control this can cause fear and from fear comes anxiety along with other symptoms like IBS, stress and sleep issues.
And there are plenty of things in life to give us those feelings of uncertainty. Like job losses, recession, separation, relationship breakdowns, financial trouble and ill health to mention but a few.
Scientists have proved that there are two types of uncertainty. The one we can prepare for and the one we are just stuck with. And they feel very different with the uncertainty we can’t do anything about being more stressful than the one we can.
Unpredictability is a great stressor. Studies in the 1960s and 1970s showed that rats and humans suffer more when given an unexpected small electrical shock than those who can predict when a zap is coming. And in a 2006 study, people rated the pain as more unpleasant than when they knew what to expect when they were zapped with unpredictable electric shocks to their hands.
If I had a pound for every time these words are used in my therapy room I would have a very heavy piggy bank:
So how can you feel different?
Now, we are emotional creatures and this is a gift. Without the full range of emotions we couldn’t experience joy and pleasure and we all want some of that don’t we? But it becomes a problem when the negative emotions don’t seem to give you a break and stop you living a ‘normal’ life. Let’s not forget that many people will be feeling pleased about the election result.
It might not feel like it, but anxiety actually exists to keep you safe. It goes right back to caveman days where if a predator animal came along, caveman would get anxious and prepare to fight or run. So a bit of andrealin which is released into the body is useful for both of those things. The trouble is that the brain can get confused about ‘danger’ and generate this fight or flight reaction unnecessarily which can be stressful and exhausting.
So maybe you would like to try some of these things to feel less anxious during uncertain times:
Watch my video here for changing how you feel about something that currently bothers you
Think about a situation of uncertaintity from 5 years ago. What happened? Was everything ok? What did you learn from that?
Focus on the things that give you joy. When I work with clients we really dig into this so that their joy list is clear and they visit it often. The more you focus on the things that bring you joy, the less time and energy you will give to thinking about things that don’t bring you joy
Get the right sort of help. If you have had years of counselling, it might be time to try something different. After my 4 session programme, your life will feel very different
‘The only certainty is uncertainty’ – John Allen Paulos
By learning to be calm and in control of your own emotions during tough times, you will be more resilient. And this means that you will find uncertainty less traumatic and problematic as you navigate through life. Thankfully, we don’t have an election very often 🙂
I would love to hear from you by phone on 07530 890089 or email or on Facebook