Why self-care is more than a Spa Day

Why self-care is more than a Spa Day

Self-care is a hot topic and the Spa is a booming industry but I want to  explain why self-care is more than a Spa Day. Don’t get me wrong, I love a Spa and once spent a week at Champneys!

But the point I want to make in this blog is that twofold. Firstly, self-care is different things to everyone and secondly, small regular self-care is more beneficial for your mental health and more practical to incorporate into your busy life than a Spa Day..

 

What my friends said self-care is

I asked my Facebook friends of ways they self-care and here is what they said.

Jill GardnerRecognising the negative voice in your head isn’t you. And disowning it so you can be the real you ❤️

Samantha Heywood-Cox Take time to relax each day and say thank you to your hard working body
Anita Davenport Always eat nutritious food and sleep.
Esther Nagle Realising that what is one person’s ideal self care routine isn’t necessarily yours. Deep, slow breaths make most stressful situations and sleepless nights less stressful and exhausting. Forgive yourself for mistakes you may or may not have made. Realise that the critical voice in your head isn’t telling you the truth. A good night’s sleep is a great physical, mental and emotional reboot. Yoga and walking in nature are powerful ways to connect to everything that is important as well as being good for physical and mental health
Carolyn Arnold Doing anything for pleasure and not out of duty.
Clare Farthing Quarterly Spa Days at Chewton Glen Hotel & Spa. A girl can dream!!
Julie Shepherd Setting time aside for me and also saying ‘no’ to things I really don’t want to do.
Nicola Huelin Here’s a blog I wrote with ideas of 92 things you can do for self-care that take less than 10 mins and are totally free
Belinda-Jane Hunt Meditate. Be kind. Forgive.…Listen to your body.
Leslee Serdar A W. A. A. M. List (What’s amazing about me) list  Keeps the self esteem up!!

Self-care can be preventing stress

I once read that one of the biggest causes of stress is things that are broken or don’t work around the home. I agree! I’ve had a wobbly kitchen door for a long time and kept screwing it back in but it was never properly fixed and became irritating. Anyway it eventually fell off! So then I had a door-less cupboard which looked a bit strange. I had it fixed and for a couple of days kept admiring it. Who would have thought that a door could bring happiness?

And here are some practical ideas of self-care from me:

  • Back up your computer. It can be a real trauma to lose your photos or work
  • Store your photos in Dropbox or similar. Protect your treasure memories
  • Online shopping – need I say more!
  • Organise your wardrobe. Only have things that fir in your wardrobe so you don’t spend ages finding something to wear and feel bad about things that don’t fit right now
  • Sort out your finances.
  • Dal with letters ASAP
  • Keep a calendar/diary
  • Unsubscribe from emails that don’t add value to your life
  • Subscribe to something that adds value to your life. That’s my FREE 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge
  • Batch cook. Freeze some, eat some. Cost effective too.
  • Declutter your house, create space
  • Declutter your car, enjoy driving
  • Declutter your loft, never panic about finding the Halloween stuff again
  • Declutter your garage, yes you have 4 bicycle locks already
  • Declutter your Facebook friends
  • Declutter your Instagram
  • Get your books on kindle
  • Keep water and snacks in your car so you can always maintain your energy levels

And the best thing about self-care?

 child wonderment

Self-care, like rest, is time for you. You enjoy your time and your life. To feed your joy. So it’s important to know how to do that! My theory is that people with a passion in life are very lucky.
I recently went to my favourite bird of prey centre and the passion the handlers have for their birds is amazing. They look them with love and one keeper said to his bird ‘come to daddy’! How wonderful to have an interest you never tire of and you love to bits. Not quite self-care but you get my drift?
When we understand what gives us joy, what makes up feel rested and happy. We can do it as often as we like 🙂
The list of things that gives us joy and makes us happy could be endless and they could be small things. Easy to do. Cheap or free. You’ve just got to experiment and find them. Children as very good at this. They are usually open minded and experimental. They try different clubs and hobbies to see what they enjoy and what they like the most. Children usually go where the fun (for them) is!

Take a little time for self-care today

What are you going to do to nurture and nourish yourself today? I would love to hear about it in the comments or share this blog with someone you care about so they can self-care before their next Spa Day.

World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers

World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers

So as a Hypnotherapist working with people’s mental health on a regular basis, I had a real choice of things to write about before I settled on this World Mental Health Day 2017 – Help for teenagers title.

I’m not going to bombard you with stats about Mental Health in this post because you will know if your teenager (or you) needs help and support and that is the purpose of this post.

 

The reason I chose to blog about teenagers for World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day

I love teenagers, I was one once lol. And I remember not liking it much and losing my way. I had wonderful parents but I didn’t go to them for help or talk to them about how I felt. It wasn’t their fault and it wasn’t my fault. It just was that way.

In my Corporate life I mentored teenagers to get into the workplace and now I help teenagers to deal with life 🙂

The biggest rise I have seen in my client base over the past year have been teenage girls. I could say it’s because of the rise of social media; Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Pinterest (not sure the teenagers use that as much?) because there is a lot of research that suggests that social media is damaging for self-esteem. But fighting social media or helping a teenage girl become more comfortable in her own skin? I know which is the easier option.

So let’s look at how I help teenage girls really get more of a sense of themselves and have more confidence and resilience, so they can deal with life better and be happier.

Issues that teenagers are facing:

  • Body image
  • Feeling sad
  • Depressed
  • Hiding from the world
  • Shame
  • Being bullied
  • Pressure of school
  • Academic performance
  • Lack of confidence
  • Relationships with others

 

But most of all:

The relationship that they have with themselves

 

Now I’ve been helping adults on their relationships with themselves for a long time. At the route of most depression is not liking yourself. People live miserable lives for a very long time for 2 main reasons (in my opinion):

  • They don’t understand themselves enough to know what their strengths are and to remember why they are amazing as their unique selves
  • They have lived a life full of events and sometimes traumas and believe the stories in their head.

 

What I mean by a story is when things have happened in your life and they give you a particular belief. Let’s take a relationship breakup. You might think that you are not loveable and that is a story that starts to become true for you. When you meet a potential partner or love interest, you (in your head) are living and believing your own story that you are not loveable. This may leak into your body language and the way you communicate and affect this potential relationship. So that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; the relationship is not a success and that backs up your belief that you are not loveable.

 

The life of a teenager

 

crab

A teenager has a childhood behind them but during their teenage years they are exploring and discovering life and themselves. So any little chink in their armour, comments, arguments, negative comments or implications (we all know that so much can be implied  by just a look) all sink into them. We all pick up tiny subtle movements from each other because we are similar to animals in that way and communicate continuously through body language.

All the while, teenagers are receiving chinks in their armour. Reminds me of one of those soft crabs that needs time for its shell to harden so the birds can’t hurt it. They are finding their way and every chink in their armour hurts them and stops them being as tough as they need to be to face this world of ours. And we all know how tough life can be. Not always, but it has its moments.

All you want for your kid is for them to be able to handle it, be happy and for them to succeed at the things that are important to them. That’s all you want isn’t it.

And so when your kid comes to you (or maybe doesn’t) and tells you that they are not happy and life isn’t going well or maybe even that they hate themselves, that is really heart breaking 🙁

 

Help available for teenagers

 

Most teenagers that I see in my Hypnortherapy practice in West Sussex and Worldwide on Skype, have never been taught about positive thinking. Or techniques on how to protect and nurture their mental health. Many (and their parents) won’t like the term mental health, so I am very cautious of the language that I use with teenagers.

Some schools are becoming more aware of the need to educate their students on how to look after mental health and physical health. Things that today’s society are feeling the ill effects of. But schools have ciricculums to stick to and targets to meet, so the time and resources allocated to these matters are limited.

As parents we are often not proficient in the art of managing mental health ourselves. So many adults have stress, anxiety and depression themselves. They are just trying to scrape through life and doing the best they can for their children.

Many families have a working mum and dad and then there are single parent families and there are just so many demands on people’s time and energy. But more so, people just don’t have the skills and techniques to bring these teenagers through it and show them how things can be different.

And often the last person a teenager wants to hear from is their parents or teacher! So there is this huge gap to fill.

 

How I help teenagers

 

What I do with teenagers is to focus on the positives. Build them up strong. A teenager has plenty of time to understand their areas of development and flaws. The last thing they need to be brought tot their attention is to focus on their flaws. They need to be rebuilt and taught resilience.

So we focus on the positive and we do lots of positive work. We focus on how to change their state. State is the way we choose to feel at any given time. There is a great big range of emotion from sad to elated and everything inbetween and believe me, teenagers can feel those full range of emotions on what seems like an hourly basis.

The first thing that I teach teenagers are easy techniques so they can discretley manager their own state. From the first session they go out the door knowing that they have tools for life. and these tools are cool! Only 250 practitioners Worldwide are using these skills (separate blog post another day) and they are amazing. Teenagers love them.

I give them skills and tools for life to help them manage how they feel and get out of sticky emotional situations and shift those blue days where everything feels terrible.

I give them a maintenance plan to take with them, so they don’t have to worry about remembering things and it doesn’t feel like homework!

The next sessions I do work are what I call ‘work of the self’. Looking inside at what’s good about them and what’s important to them. And why they need to protect that to make them strong against the storms.

I use Hypnosis too which is perfectly safe on children age 5+. Hypnosis on a teenager is practically the same as an adult but you use language that appeals to a teenager. I use that to introduce a huge feeling of calm into their lives because they are usually so tense and anxious and worried and stressed with all that’s going on. They can just escape all that and float away to relax and find that calm place inside themselves. They can reconnect to that calm place whenever they need to with a recording that I give them.

Another skill for life. How to unwind your mind and take yourself away from the things that are bothering you and come back feeling relaxed and refreshed and ready to roll.

 

And what about mum and dad?

Supporting teenagers can be testing, tiring and thankless! So if you need help unwinding, keeping your cool or getting creative on strategies to cope. Make your appointment 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

These song lyrics reflect my work with clients I help with emotional healing

These song lyrics reflect my work with clients I help with emotional healing

In this post I am going to use songs to reflect the work I do with clients that I help with emotional healing. This is such a precious element of my work and one I am very committed to and passionate about. I want you to hear where I am coming from with my energy and intention. Though music.

There are some healers and coaches who don’t have any official qualifications and are still doing a good job!  They have natural intuition and are able to help others. And others have intuition and like to back it up with skills and qualifications. The point is when people need help with emotional healing, they need to feel they are in safe, caring hands. The relationship and trust is so very very important in this kind of work. I feel honoured when I work with people in this way.

 

I think these songs say it all.

REM – Everybody Hurts

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life
Well hang on
Don’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on)
(Hold on) if you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this life
Well, hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don’t throw your hand
Oh, no
Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone
No, no, no, you’re not aloneIf you’re on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you’ve had too much
Of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

The Pretenders – I’ll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you lessI’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by youSo if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me nowHey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like youWhen you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own
I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you

Bob Marley – Three Little Birds

“Don’t worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright
Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”
Rise up this morning
Smiled with the rising sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singing sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying, “This is my message to you”
Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright
Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing (don’t worry)
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”Rise up this morning
Smiled with the rising sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singing sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying, “This is my message to you”Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing (worry about a thing, oh)
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright (don’t worry)
Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing (I won’t worry)
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright (I won’t worry)
Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!”Singing: “Don’t worry about a thing (don’t worry about a thing)
Cause every little thing is gonna be alright

 

Nina Simone – Feeling Good

Birds flyin’ high, you know how I feel
Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by, you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me.
Yeah, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me, ooooooooh…
And I’m feelin’ good.Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River runnin’ free, you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me,
And I’m feelin’ good Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don’t you know,
Butterflies all havin’ fun, you know what I mean.
Sleep in peace when day is done: that’s what I mean,
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me…Stars when you shine, you know how I feel
Scent of the pine, you know how I feel
Yeah, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel..
It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me
And I’m feelin’… good.

 

The message I want to get across is…

When you’re sure you’ve had enough

Sometimes everything is wrong

If you think you’ve had too much

If you feel like you’re alone

Hold on

Come on and come to me now

’cause I’ve seen the dark side too

I’ll stand by you

Don’t hold it all inside

You’re feeling all alone

You won’t be on your own

Don’t worry about a thing

Cause every little thing is gonna be alright

This is my message to you

Rise up this morning

Singing sweet songs

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me

And I’m feelin’ good

Sleep in peace when day is done

Yeah, freedom is mine, and I know how I feel..

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me

And I’m feelin’… good

 

More about the emotional healing another day but if you need to sort something out please contact me. Even if we just have a chat, it’s worth it.

Honey

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