The impact of judging others on your self-esteem

The impact of judging others on your self-esteem

The impact of judging others on your self-esteem

Wayne Dyer

I will need to exercise some self-control in writing this blog, or we could end up with a very long blog! I learnt a long time ago to be less judgemental because working with people I know that not everything is as it seems.

A large part of my work is helping people become more confident, increase their self-esteem and cover what I call ‘work of the self’. This is helping people to understand themselves better through uncovering their values and finding their identity so they can be ‘comfortable in their own skin’. The benefits of this are that they can be more confident in and live their life in a way that feels good for them.

It’s much easier to make the right decisions when you know yourself and the world can see the real you. Everything changes.

What happens when we judge others?

So back to judging others… When we judge others it does two things.

1 – It holds that person up against our own values and beliefs. It has nothing to do with who they are! I’m going to give you some scenarios and I want you to just see what enters your head as I say these things.

2 – It puts bad thoughts in your mind which will make you feel bad

Think about how you might judge these people

  • A married couple that live apart
  • Someone that loves to socialise to the point where they spend all their money on it
  • Someone that is very prudent and rarely ‘splashes out’
  • Someone that works a lot and is often away from home
  • Some that does not work
  • Someone that wears revealing clothes

The thing is you don’t know anything about these people. They might be pure of heart or not, you don’t know. They might be generous or kind, you don’t know. They might be gentle, rich, poor, stressed, depressed, worried…..

Don’t hate the rice!

Judging others does is puts thoughts in your mind which damage your self-esteem. I don’t know if you have ever seen the Rice Consciousness experiment, inspired by Dr Masaru Emoto but it’s fascinating.

By labelling one jar ‘hate’ and the other ‘love’, the rice in the hate jar rots away while the rice in the love jar stays fresh. And this isn’t the only time this has been done. It has been done numerous times with different substances.

So if you think bad thoughts, you will probably feel bad inside (even though you might not consciously connect this). If you think good thoughts, you will feel better. Simples.

And when you judge others less, you will feel less judged yourself. Because if you haven’t having those thoughts about other people why would they be having them about you?

Find the gold

find the gold

Here are my top tips for not judging others:

  • Listen to what other people say. Don’t judge them on their clothes, hair, car job. Listen and see them for who they are
  • Be open minded about new people. They might not look like your ‘type’ of person but they might be the best thing since sliced bread
  • Don’t go on first impressions. I know they are said to be important but they are just a snapshot of someone at one particular time. Everyone is multi faceted and different situations make people behave differently. If someone is suffering from anxiety or depression, you won’t see the best of them at that time.
  • Don’t let someone else’s opinion of someone get in the way of you forming your own
  • Look for things you like about someone rather than something you don’t
  • Find the gold in someone. What makes their eyes light up? A loved one, a hobbie, holidays? Whatever it is, when you see them talk about it watch them shine and see the best of them

Check your words before they come out of your mouth.Just like you would check an email before sending it. Try and be kind.

Here’s the plan:

  • Be less judgemental and see if it makes a difference to how you feel and your map of the world

 

Do you need help?

If you feel judged yourself, that is an indication of low confidence and self-esteem so please get in touch for a free consultation to see how I can help you.

The highest rising demand for my services is with teenage girls. I’m finding they really worry about being judged in terms of are they cool enough, pretty enough, thin enough. Social media like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Pinterest really feeds these insecurities and affects their self-esteem. I work with them to help them like themselves and become more resilient.

Sending you non-judgemental vibes.

Honey

Healthy eating – Day 18 – What food does Rebecca Boulton eat? Find out here…..

Rebecca Boulton is a Nutritional Therapist from Yorkshire and runs Simple & Clean nutrition. She provides Nutritional Coaching for busy women struggling with hormonal imbalances who want to transform their bodies, health and lives with simple diet changes. So what food does Rebecca eat? Here she tells us.

The Day In a Life of a Nutritional Therapist 

My day always starts with a large glass of tepid water with a squeeze of fresh lemon and apple cider vinegar to help kickstart my digestion and support the liver. The best way to have this is on an empty stomach. I make sure I stay hydrated throughout the rest of the day with plenty of water, green and peppermint tea. I love coffee and for me it’s the hardest thing to give up, but I am quite sensitive it and it sends me cortisol levels up so I only have 1 (2 max) cups a day. I have good quality fresh coffee with coconut oil to help calm the nervous system and for some healthy fats.

I get up before the kids so I can get some exercise in and also do some meditation and journaling while I have some peace. I meet a friend at 6am twice a week for a HiiT workout and then a couple of days I do kettlebells in my garage. I’m a bit lazy so I like the quick workouts which give maximum results and those work best for me. Other days I’ll just have a bit of a stretch to wake myself up! I’m not naturally a morning person but I find this helps me start the day calm and energised instead of rushing around stressed out trying to fit everything in like I used to!

green smoothie

Breakfast is usually a green smoothie (with extra protein powder like Sunwarrior or Purition for workout days to help with recovery) made with spinach or kale, some berries or half a banana, almond milk and some flaxseeds and chia seeds. Often I add in some cacoa powder for magnesium or spirulina if I need an iron boost. So, I don’t wake the kids, I make it up the night before and store in the fridge as my nutribullet is pretty noisy and I don’t want to disturb them (or my peaceful morning!).

homemade muesli

I’ll follow the smoothie with either some scrambled eggs with avocado and spinach or homemade muesli with yoghurt and berries. For me, breakfast is the biggest meal of the day as that is when I am most hungry!

I understand the importance of mindful eating

Once I’ve got the kids to school, I spend the rest of the morning at my desk until lunchtime. I usually break about midday and have a walk around, stretch off and some lunch. Long gone are the days of scoffing a sandwich at my desk without even noticing what I’m eating, while still working!

Nowadays I understand the importance of mindful eating and ensuring I focus on what I’m eating and when I’m full up. One of the things I’ve found with my clients is that they are no longer able to recognise the signs and just eat until they have emptied their plate. Stepping away from your desk and taking time to breathe and relax is also important for you mentally and emotionally in helping to reduce overwhelm and stress.

Rebecca's lunch

Lunch is an omelette (if I haven’t had eggs for breakfast!), a salad with chicken, salmon or prawns or some quinoa with roasted vegetables. I plan all my meals in advance and pre-prepare as much as I can which always helps me make better choices. I take a couple of hours at a weekend or after school to prep veg, chicken, fish, make a healthy cake or muffins and protein balls to keep in the fridge. It saves time, money and stress!

After I’ve picked the kids up, we always have an after school snack (usually oatcakes and hummus, fruit with some nuts or a Nak’d bar if we’re in a hurry). We often go a long time between lunch and dinner and it’s important to make sure your blood sugars don’t crash as this can make you tired, irritable and find it difficult to concentrate. As I don’t normally eat until 8pm I need something to keep me going or I am grumpy mum and just want a snooze on the sofa.

Dinner time

salmon and vegetables

 

Dinner is usually fish or chicken with roasted vegetables, a stir fry or a curry. We’re big fans of the quick and easy option. I also love my slow cooker and use to make big batches of chilli, stews and roasting joints of meat.

For me, it’s all about keeping it as simple as possible, being prepared so I get everything my body needs without it taking over my life, and allowing room for the odd chocolate, glass of wine or meal out!

You can find Rebecca on facebook

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Rebecca for sharing your food day with us and that steady energy sounds great!

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you top tips and inspiration for healthy eating
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

 

 

Healthy eating day 17 – guest blogger Maggie Albrecht tells is why she is a vegetarian

Today’s guest blogger is vegetarian Maggie Albrecht who is a certified NLP Trainer, Coach, mBIT Coach, Advanced Law of Attraction Practitioner and Reiki healer from London.  She is the owner of Life Redefined.

You are what you eat

How often do you hear the phrase ‘you are what you eat’? When I first heard it, years ago, I thought well that can’t be… What? I’m am big old hamburger wandering around? That must mean that every time I eat something, I change, and that doesn’t make any sense. How can eating something change who I am? Well I’ve done a little adapting myself since those days.

I’ve learnt lots (still an infinite amount to continue learning) and realised that yes, we are what we eat. I know if I go through a period of eating lots of sugary stuff or highly processed food, then I’ll really lack in energy afterwards. I feel hungover without the pleasure of having experienced the alcohol!

Why I am a vegetarian

little plant

When I was younger I used to be a vegetarian. 8 years without meat until a fateful girls weekend away in Barcelona when I was 21. Most veggies who relent say it was a bacon sandwich. Mine was a whole chicken, there was even a stunning photo of me, shoving the chicken carcass into my face so I didn’t miss anything. Nice.

Fast forward 18 years and I’ve recently become a vegetarian again. I’m learning so much about energies and how everything is interconnected, that I don’t want to eat meat or fish again. I just don’t want to cause pain. Purely personal, I don’t judge what others eat. Eating another species is survival, I’m not against it, it’s just that I won’t die if I don’t get that steak, but something else will.

Does veganism call? Not sure yet. Will see what happens. The point is, I feel better in myself. Not necessarily because I’m not eating meat but because I’m not feeling bad or have guilt attached to what I’m eating in the same way anymore.

The power of your thoughts

think positive thoughts

You might have heard of Dr Emoto and his water experiments. If not then you can easily find further info online. He conducted experiments with water to show how powerful thoughts were, and how they could change  molecular structure. Part of the experiment was to talk to water in different ways. Some samples were told they were loved, some that they were hated or made a person feel sick.

For the purpose of this article, to make it easier to explain, let’s use the labels good and bad thoughts. The water was then frozen and the molecules studied under a microscope. Those subjected to ‘good’ thoughts were beautifully formed.  The molecules subjected to the ‘bad’ thoughts were all twisted and ugly. For the sake of copyright I can’t show you pictures here, but pop his name into a search engine and check out the images. The differences are astounding.

Now think about the human body. We’re about 3/4 water. What about the foods we eat, whether it’s plants, fruits, animals, fish or vegetables? Bearing this in mind, doesn’t it make sense to be a bit more aware of what we’re eating? The experiences our food goes through before becoming dinner, could affect our energies and our own molecular structure.

Everything is your choice

pancakes smiling on plate

So what can we do? Well you don’t need to give up anything if you don’t want to. It all comes down to personal choice. What you can do is set an intention when you are preparing your food. You don’t have to have studied Reiki or hug trees on a regular basis to flow positive energy through your food. As you prepare it, put yourself into a ‘good’ state of mind, whether it’s joy, peace, happiness, love; you get the picture.

Imagine that feeling infusing into your food (or drink). If you’re out or have not prepared the food yourself, you can give a little quiet thank you for what you are about to eat. Imagine every mouthful or sip making you stronger, full of love or healthier. This is your food, your thoughts; you choose what enters your body and the affect that has. If you’re feeling stressed before you eat, take a moment to calm yourself. The last thing you want to do is pass that energy into your food and then ingest even more stress!

I appreciate this might sound odd (or even very odd), but life is in the experience. Give it a try for a week. You’ve got nothing to lose, apart from maybe some guilt weight.

Maggie is an NLP Trainer and Coach. She encourages women to live life with purpose, power and passion! You can follow her on Facebook at Life Redefined UK. She offers residential (certified) NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training retreats.

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Maggie for sharing your positive mindset towards food. And everything else!

 

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

Healthy eating day 16 – If you love bread you must read this!

Today’s guest blogger is artisan baker, Carol Hunter from Worthing. Grainwave is Carol’s business and she sells baked goods, including gluten free bread from her home in Worthing and at Goring farmer’s market.

A day in the life of ……… a fairly average (self-proclaimed) artisan baker

The ‘early to bed, early to rise’ maxim has always been in my subconscious, but only became a reality when I started my own business a couple of years ago. That’s when it became a choice thing rather than a struggle. (the ‘late to bed, late to rise’ – student thing  and ‘no-sleep, early rise’ of new-born infant thing were something else entirely!)

So what that means for me these days is starting the day with some ‘overnight oats’ – my own choice of additional nutty, seedy material to some basic bircher muesli soaked in organic soya milk. Fruit – it happens to be foraged blackberries from my own hedge this morning – and half a banana.

In winter it’s porridge – minus the seasonal blackberries – cranberries and grated apple. Oh, and lemon and ginger tea. I’ve taken advice from my Chinese doctor, mentor and well-being guru on the tea. She’s right, it’s a brilliant early morning de-tox. Whatever the season, if I start the day with that kind of combination, I know I can get to lunchtime without deviant snacking!

Soda bread

soda-bread

If it’s summer – which it seems to be for at least three days a week at the moment – I need to get on task immediately after my muesli. Summer is busy for my best customer – a local seafood restaurant – so today it’s early morning slicing and wrapping of the light soda bread ready for lunchtime service.

This is a great recipe and I often make extra for my own bread bin. Easy to digest unyeasted bread made with a blend of organic white and stoneground wholewheat flour. I add lemon juice and zest as it goes really well with fish and seafood plates at the restaurant. At home I just toast it like normal bread and have it with poached eggs, but it’s great with your favourite breakfast spread – honey or nut butters are delicious!

I never have enough eggs!

OK, so far so good. Almost eleven o’clock and seem to have found enough to distract me from any thoughts of food. Namely, a trip to Sainsbury’s for essential supplies – why have I never got enough eggs? I have a very convenient arrangement with my neighbour Zoe; she hands over a consignment of eggs from very happy hens and in return I supply her with organic home-made bread for the weekend … and still I end up at the supermarket making up the shortfall!

After a diversion to buy paint, I arrive home and embark on a small DIY project – painting a couple of tired old chairs. That takes me industriously towards coffee o’clock.

Time to get Zoe’s bread on its first proofing. Today it’s organic malted sunflower seed. I get all my flour delivered from a traditional flour mill in Gloucestershire. Once I tried it, there was no going back. The quality speaks for itself. I don’t make fancy bread, people are happy with a nice wholesome loaf that tastes good with anything – which isn’t that difficult if you make it yourself.

No bloating

48-hydration-sourdough

Pictured 48% hydration sourdough

The key element to home baking is the time you can give your bread to rise properly. All mine is done at room temperature. No running up and down stairs to the airing cupboard, just leave it to do its own thing – which may be most of the day. That way, the bread doesn’t start fermenting again in your tummy, which means no bloating

The last thing I do most evenings is weigh and feed my sourdough starter. This is the science part. OK, I don’t use my own wild yeast in every loaf, but by growing your own yeast, the only thing in your bread dough is flour, water and salt and nothing else! So for my bread it’s’ early to bed, slow to rise’ and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 You can find Carol on Facebook at Grainwave and on her website

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Carol for sharing all your bread insights. I will be along for a loaf soon 🙂

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

Healthy eating – Day 15. Jill Howie tells us how she changed her diet and changed her life

Healthy eating – Day 15. Jill Howie tells us how she changed her diet and changed her life

How I changed my diet and changed my life

Jill Howie from Portchester, Fareham changed her diet and changed her life. Here she shares her story.

This is Jill Howie

Hi this is me in mid April at the beginning of my journey and 18 weeks later some 3 stone 4lbs lighter and feeling on top of the world indeed (some way to go but I ll never go back to the old me ).

My life is now full and fantastic

To show you how I changed my life around I’ll show you a fairly typical day (although I must say life is so full and fantastic right now that “typical” changes daily).

exercise bike

So normally I will wake around 6 am and drink a large glass of water (I love water now and drink at least 3 litres a day. A must for everyone ) and be ready to either do a small workout (I find many online and do a quite simple legs bums and tums or arms one) but today was a cycle whilst catching up on recorded programme.

That done it’s time for brekkie which this morning was a snicker (only joking it was a smoothie made with chocolate, hazlenut milk and cashew butter). Delicious yet healthy and completely natural.

This morning I have a few notes to write up and some info to send to some prospective clients (I run my own business helping others get fab fit and healthy too. Just a dream come true truly).

Snack time

humous and celery snack strawberry crunch nakd bar

To keep me going until lunch I will have a snack today is houmous and celery but lots of other lovelies available fruit , nuts , nakd bars for example.

Lunch

tuna salad lunch

After a busy morning I’m ready for a light lunch and as its so hot out I opt for a lovely delicious tuna salad.

Healthier treats

You know following this healthy eating had changed my life and why I ever did these fad diets before is beyond me.  Clean eating has literally changed my life. Now to share it with a friend who is coming to visit as she has just started with me and so I’m making a few healthier cakes and biscuits we can have guilt free.

healthy cakes and biscuits

Chocolate cakes made from a very simple gluten wheat and dairy free recipe as are the lemon biscuits (both were quite delicious ) So much so said friend left with the left overs and recipe in hand which is always a good sign.

My confidence is growing

I really sometimes have to pinch myself when I think how much my life has changed. With poor health and little confidence my life seemed to revolve around my home quite often alone and sleeping.  Now I am out and about helping others as well as attending as many events as I possibly can.

My confidence is growing even to the point where I allow the odd photo.  This was always a no no hence the shortage of before photos. Crazy isn’t it!!

Dinner

So to dinner what do we have for dinner tonight chicken tikka masala won again all fresh clean ingredients no take aways or processed for us anymore. This is so much tastier and so easy. Tasted divine I can tell you.

healthy food
Here are a few of the meals we’ve eaten recently there really is no need to go hungry to lose weight and get healthy.

This evening is so lovely we spent it in the garden and I decided to use one of my cheats ( these are good to have keeps you focused and nothing is off limits if you really want it although I find mostly my body craves goodness even when we eat out its the fish and fresh vegetables that have me drooling not he stodge anymore).

So whilst hubby and I talk about our dream holiday which may now be in our reach since the change in my health and our finances, I treat myself to vodka and soda and possibly a few healthy nibbles.

Life is a dream right now. I hope you ve found some inspiration from my words if you d like to talk to me and find out more about how I’ve changed my life please  email me

A note from Honey

Thank you Jill for sharing your clean eating journey with us and well done.

 

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

 

 

 

 

Healthy eating – Day 14. Can’t stop overeating? Try this…..

Healthy eating – Day 14. Can’t stop overeating? Try this…..

woman overeating

Are you overeating?

Are there things in your kitchen that seem to call to you? And it feels like an itch you need to scratch? And before you know it you’ve eaten one or two and then the whole pack! and then you feel bad. And kick yourself because afterwards you know you didn’t need to eat like that? You are not alone! This is a common problem.

Another problem for people is portion size. when you go out to dinner you might order the biggest thing. And sides! Or maybe you load your plate high and no size meal or snack is a problem at all and you wonder if you have an extra large stomach or something! Or do you eat a lot and know you are full but still keep going. Dinner, pudding, snack, snack, drink, snack, snack and you don’t seem to have a stop button!

These are common problems for a lot of people that I see in my Hypnotherapy practise. It’s usually weight loss that has made the overeating become a problem. Sometimes it’s a lack of control that people don’t like or it can actually cost a lot of money. Sometimes they feel ‘addicted’ to food.

So what can you do about overeating?

Mostly, as with most things it’s a mind game. Your brain for some reason doesn’t feel satisfied. more complex issues aside, there are practical things that you can do to help yourself…

Drink water

Often when we think we are hungry we are actually thirsty. Try drinking a glass of water, wait 5 minutes and then see how you feel. By the way, this also works with cigarette cravings if you are trying to stop smoking!

Move your body

Sometimes eating is associated with boredom. Boredom is a state of mind. Get up, run up and down the stairs, dance to a tune, walk round the block, bounce on the kids trampoline. You can change your state in seconds and it might just work.

Change your mind

your state of mind

You might be thinking of a particular thing that you want to eat. You might be someone who thinks of the thing, goes to get the thing. Gets the thing. Eats the thing. And then feels bad. This is the mind obsessing to some degree. You need to literally change your mind.

So maybe start by doing things a bit differently. Take a different route to work/school, change things around in your home etc. You send messages to your mind that things are changing and it creates new thought paths. Start to change your mind and you can change your life.

Back to the healthy eating blogs

We are two weeks into our 30 days of healthy eating blogs. What can you achieve in 2 weeks?

Well you could:

  • Train for a 5k
  • Learn a language on an intensive course
  • Travel route 66 in USA with nice stops offs
  • Significantly change your eating habits

Over the past week we’ve heard from 6 different guest bloggers.

Here they are if you want to catch up:

Jorge Vence Mind and Soul awakener from Bournemouth, asked us why do people fail at dieting? Read it here  

Jacqui Malpass an author from Cardiff,  talked us through her day in food and shared her banana bread recipe. Read it here

Orlaith Brogan, The Naked Sales Coach from Edinburgh, blogged about why healthy eating doesn’t need to be expensive. Read it here

Sandra Peachey, an author from Coventry, blogged about the 80/20 rule. Read it here

Judi May, a Reiki Master trainer from Nottingham, asked us not to shoot the pescatarian. Read it here

Hannah Bailey, a nutritionist from Sheffield gave us some of her top tips. Read it here

It’s been wonderful hearing from so many different people about their healthy eating and I have even more lined up this week for you. If you want this blog emailed to you simply sign up to my newsletter at the bottom of the blog. People are loving that!

A note from Honey

Thanks to all my guest bloggers who have done an amazing job of sharing and inspiring.

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording
  • Join my facebook group you can join if you want to know how to have a healthy mind!

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

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