Why comparing yourself can knock your confidence

Why comparing yourself can knock your confidence

Comparison has a place…

Compare the meerkat, oops I mean market, is a great site isn’t it. It gives you confidence in your decision by letting you compare insurance policies based on all their different benefits and features. It’s useful to compare insurance in this way because at the end of the day, you want value for money and the policy that is right for you. There are comparison sites for lots of other things too; Broadband, TVs, cars, holidays, computers. But can you imagine if there was one for people!

It might look something like this:

Linda Saskia Maria
Nice hair y n n
Funny y n y
Slim n y n
Popular y y n
Kind n y y
Generous y n n
Confident y n y
Clever y n n
Wealthy y n y
Attractive n y n
Successful y y n
Thoughtful n y y
Warm y n n
Good friend y n y
Fun y n n
Brave y n y
Adventurous n y n
Creative y y n
Collaborative n y y
Honest y n n
Reliable y n y

 

How would it feel to see yourself judged in this way? Or see those you care about judged in this way? What effect might it have? Well it might upset you to see that you weren’t a ‘yes’ for things you wanted to be a ‘yes’ for. And those ‘no’s’ would become your focus, never mind all the fantastic yes’s you had. This may really affect your confidence.

This is because we are sensitive souls and the mind has a negative bias so it finds it easier to focus on anything negative. Yes, positive thinking takes work. But the good news is that when you do it often it becomes more automatic, but more on that later.

You might then look at the list if you are Saskia and despite the fact that you have been ‘judged’ as being popular, kind and creative you might be jealous that Linda is considered confident and clever. This might make you, Saskia, feel like you are not as good as Linda.

You find it easy to overlook all that is good about you and everything that your friends and family love about you because you are comparing yourself to Linda.

So how might this comparing yourself to others make you feel? You might feel:

 

  • Inferior
  • That you lack confidence
  • Unsure of your best qualities
  • Intimidated by Linda

And as a result you might not shine as yourself, feel lost or retreat and feel unhappy.

We are often least kind to ourselves

Now the funny thing is, we are more brutal with comparing ourselves to others than comparing those we love to others. When we have our love goggles on, we tend to recognise the positive qualities of those we love more easily than our own.

I bet if I said to you now tell me 5 things you really like about someone you love, you could do it in seconds ,but how easily can you do it for yourself? Go on, grab a pen and do it now! Let me know how you get on (I am genuinley interested).

 

The more we focus on the good, the less the bad matters….

Bad witch

 

 

 

 

So back to compare the market.com. When we are comparing our insurance, there will be some things that are more important than others. Maybe you can’t live without a courtesy car, or the thought of a large excess fills you will dread, so it’s good to understand what all these things are.

You might make a call to have a chat about some of the policy features and decide that yes that is important to you. You know that when you know your policy priorities you can feel really happy and you have confidence that you have made the right choice

Well people are similar in that we all have inner values which are most important to us. Many people haven’t a clue what theirs are! This is a big piece of the work I do when I see clients in my Hypnotherapy practice in West Sussex and worldwide on Skype.

Many of my clients are what I call ‘out of sorts’. They’ve lost their way and don’t feel like they know themselves and they need some ‘realignment’. We do values work so that they can identify parts of their life which may be conflicting with these values. When you truly understand your values and know yourself better you will just feel ‘more you’. Your decisions and behaviours will be easier to align to your true self and life will be better.

There’s another benefit to knowing yourself. As well as knowing your strengths, it is good to be aware of your shadows. Those quirks and qualities that give you your unique edge and your vulnerability. When you know yourself you will live your life with much more confidence.

Tiger focuses on golf

An example I always use here is education. We expect students to do well in all the subjects and some do. But if you are really amazing at Maths but not English, are you better to focus your energy on the maths or English? Which will make you feel better? Which will you excel at?

I’m not saying that education isn’t important, but can you imagine if they had said to Tiger Woods, ‘yeah, you are really good at golf, but you should be better at tennis so why don’t you spend your time playing tennis!’.

He did what he was good at and had passion for and he excelled. Does he or anyone else care that he isn’t good at tennis? I doubt it!

We are not meerkats (or car insurance)

So continue to compare the market by all means, get the courtesy car and free windscreen repair for a bargain price and wait for your meerkat to arrive in the post, but don’t compare yourself to others. There really is no need. You have good stuff and not so good stuff about your personal qualities and how you look, but unless you are planning on having cosmetic surgery or a personality transplant you are what you are.

Those who love you will love you for what you are and you just need to join you own fan club and celebrate all that is unique, wonderful and special about you.

If you need to know what is special about you just ask your loved ones to make a list of 5 things they love about you and that will be a good start to feeling good about yourself.

 

How I can help you?

If you want to do some work with me, then please get in touch and let’s start your journey of getting to know you and building your confidence.

Why your CV is like a dating profile

Why your CV is like a dating profile

When you walk down the street and pass people you don’t know, you cannot possibly tell what ‘sort of person’ they are. When a potential employer picks up the pile of CVs from people applying for a post they advertised, they don’t know anything about them either. They are relying on an A4 double sided CV to give them a ‘feel’ for the sort of people who are applying.

Each employer or company will have its own flavour. A set of unspoken or spoken values and beliefs that mean that the right sort of people will fit in and flourish in this company. And when employers are seeking people to work in their business, they know what they are looking for even if they can’t put it into words. So you need to put it into words for them.

You need to understand and covey the very you of you, so they get it straight away. The likelyhood is that most people who apply for the same job will have the right skills and qualifications. What is of equal importance is your ‘flavour’. Your approach, your ethics, your outlook, your tenacity and things like that.

So why is a CV like a dating profile?

If you’ve ever been on a dating site you will know there are a lot of profiles. Now unless it’s Tinder where the connection is made by saying you like the look of someone, you will read the blurb they put about themselves to see if they are your ‘sort of person’. Lots will say ‘good sense of humour’ but what does that actually mean! There are lots of different comedians but we won’t all find the same ones funny.

Likes and interests are interesting but do they really help us understand who that person is? In a non-professional football team you will have lots of different personalities, doing different jobs and having different drivers, emotions and ambitions. We want to know if they are the sort of person who likes to be the last one at a party or the one at home in comfies. Or if they care about getting a black friday deal and if they give to charity. If they would be happy with one coat of paint or would have to make sure it is perfect.

CV examples

Here are some examples from CVs. Take a look and think about what you really know about this person from their opening statement:

Person 1 – Highly-skilled and meticulous communications professional with experience and extensive understanding of implementing and delivering engagement methodologies and communications activity plans.

Person 2 – As an experienced sales manager, my tenacious and proactive approach resulted in numerous important contract wins. My excellent networking skills have provided my team with vital client leads, and my ability to develop client relationships has resulted in an 18% increase in business renewals for my current organisation. After eight years in sales, currently seeking a new challenge which will utilise my meticulous attention to detail, and friendly, professional manner.

Person 3 – Driven Retail Manager with over ten years’ experience in the fashion industry. Proven track record of success, including managing the top performing store in the region, and having the lowest staff turnover rate of all UK outlets.

What do we actually know about any of these people?

You are not like the other peas in the pod

pea in a pod

Give them a flavour of the sort of person you are. Let them know how your flavour will compliment theirs to make the perfect dish. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you be clear about what to write:

  • How do you cope under pressure?
  • When are you at your best?
  • How do you deal with problems?
  • Are you a curious person?
  • Do you like unfinished business?
  • Do you have to win?
  • Do you like variety or routine?
  • Are you better working alone or in teams?
  • How do you deal with setbacks?
  • When are you at your best?
  • What are your goals?
  • Are you resourceful?
  • What makes you different?
  • What is your energy level like?

So once you have the answers to these questions you should be in good shape to write your personal profile for the top of your CV. Something that gives them a feel for ‘the sort of person’ you are.

 

Quick review of yesterday’s list:

Yesterday you wrote a list of things of things that make you lucky. Lucky you! Don’t forget to add to that one often as it’s an important one.

 

Your eighth list:

The eighth list you have written in the exercise above is your ‘I’m the sort of person’ list. The last part of this exercise is for you ask other people what sort of person they think you are. It’s also a good idea to actually get feedback from others as it will give you new insights about yourself. Add the bits that they say that fit well into your list.

If you want someone to proof read your CV and give you honest feedback on your personal profile I am happy to do that for you for free if you mention this blog post. I am specialised in values work which is what makes us who we are and help lots of people get to know themselves better and feel more comfortable in their own skin. Some people say that self awareness is the most important development that you can do.

 

Once you get an interview

I often see clients before job interviews or presentations to help them control their nerves and give them a confidence boost. Once you’ve secured an interview give me a call 07530 890089 and let’s get you wooing your employer in the interview and securing your dream job.

See you tomorrow.

Honey

x

Healthy eating day 21 – What type of eater are you?

child eating chocolate

What type of eater are you?

Just as we have different personalities, we are different types of eaters. Here I have taken a look at just a few, but it would be great to hear about others you think of.

If you want this blog emailed to you simply sign up to my newsletter at the bottom of the blog. People are loving that!

The waste eater

coffee-creams

‘Don’t worry about the leftovers, John will clear those up.’ Are YOU John? Does your appetite know no bounds and you just cannot leave any leftovers. Kids don’t finish their tea… no  problem you are there to finish it! Macmillan cake morning, you finish ALL the leftover cake? Or maybe you actually eat the coffee creams that are left in a box of chocolates?

The emotional eater

Bad day at work and you reach for some ‘comfort food’? Or maybe you are feeling the stress and munch through biscuit after biscuit. Or you are feeling lonely and food becomes your new best friend. Food is a much used emotional reliever but unfortunately we can get to use it a bit too much and gain weight as a result. Which then causes more emotions about feeling bad about our bodies. A vicious circle!

The plate loader

eat as much as you like plate of food

Maybe you love ‘eat as much as you like’ restaurants? How exciting being able to load your plate with a wide variety of foods and as high as you like! You merrily eat your way through one plate and then go for seconds even though you are not at all hungry. After the second plate you hold your stomach and moan that you are over full! But you just have to have a go at that chocolate fountain don’t you? After all, how often do you get to use a chocolate fountain? And it’s free!

The sugar addict

Coco pops for breakfast or chocolate spread on toast, that gives you that early morning sugar kick that you need. By mid morning a chocolate biscuit seems like a good idea, but one or two are never enough and that ends up at 5! Few cups of tea with sugar throughout the day and a nice sandwich and creamy chilled desert for lunch. Now what’s for tea? Maybe a sweet & sour sauce on something but definitely ice cream for pudding. And there’s that nice big family bar of chocolate waiting in the fridge for later….. And in a sweet shop you are well, like a kid in a sweet shop!

The sniffer dog

Your partner is out. You know there must be some goodies in the house somewhere and you are going to find them! Wow those cupboards are dusty up there but nope, not there. Surely there must be a stash somewhere? So you put your best hunting skills to use and eventually find something. You want it but you don’t want them to know you’ve had it. This dilemma plays on your mind for a while but in the end you think you will replace it tomorrow and scoff it anyway.  You cannot be trusted around Easter and Christmas with all those Easter eggs and selection boxes around!

 

These are just a few light hearted types of eaters that maybe you can relate to. Just like our personalities, self awareness is key and often the first step to making changes if you want to.

Over the past week we’ve heard from 6 different guest bloggers.

Here they are if you want to catch up:

Jill Howie from Porchester told us how she changed her diet and changed her life. Read it here  

Carol Hunter from Worthing shared her bread making secrets with us. Read it here

Maggie Albrecht from London told us how she put positive thoughts into her vegetarian food. Read that one here

Rebecca Boulton a nutritionist from Yorkshared a day in her food life. Read it here

Healthnutgirl Rachel Kieffer from New York City gave us some easy healthy eating tips here

Ayurvedic practitioner, Julie Rawnsley from Ditching, near Brighton shared her Ayurvedic day with us here

It’s been wonderful hearing from so many different people about their healthy eating andover the next 9 days we will hear from even more.

Why sign up for my newsletter?

  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording
  • You will be first to hear about special offers and other exciting things

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

 

 

 

Healthy eating – Day 18 – What food does Rebecca Boulton eat? Find out here…..

Rebecca Boulton is a Nutritional Therapist from Yorkshire and runs Simple & Clean nutrition. She provides Nutritional Coaching for busy women struggling with hormonal imbalances who want to transform their bodies, health and lives with simple diet changes. So what food does Rebecca eat? Here she tells us.

The Day In a Life of a Nutritional Therapist 

My day always starts with a large glass of tepid water with a squeeze of fresh lemon and apple cider vinegar to help kickstart my digestion and support the liver. The best way to have this is on an empty stomach. I make sure I stay hydrated throughout the rest of the day with plenty of water, green and peppermint tea. I love coffee and for me it’s the hardest thing to give up, but I am quite sensitive it and it sends me cortisol levels up so I only have 1 (2 max) cups a day. I have good quality fresh coffee with coconut oil to help calm the nervous system and for some healthy fats.

I get up before the kids so I can get some exercise in and also do some meditation and journaling while I have some peace. I meet a friend at 6am twice a week for a HiiT workout and then a couple of days I do kettlebells in my garage. I’m a bit lazy so I like the quick workouts which give maximum results and those work best for me. Other days I’ll just have a bit of a stretch to wake myself up! I’m not naturally a morning person but I find this helps me start the day calm and energised instead of rushing around stressed out trying to fit everything in like I used to!

green smoothie

Breakfast is usually a green smoothie (with extra protein powder like Sunwarrior or Purition for workout days to help with recovery) made with spinach or kale, some berries or half a banana, almond milk and some flaxseeds and chia seeds. Often I add in some cacoa powder for magnesium or spirulina if I need an iron boost. So, I don’t wake the kids, I make it up the night before and store in the fridge as my nutribullet is pretty noisy and I don’t want to disturb them (or my peaceful morning!).

homemade muesli

I’ll follow the smoothie with either some scrambled eggs with avocado and spinach or homemade muesli with yoghurt and berries. For me, breakfast is the biggest meal of the day as that is when I am most hungry!

I understand the importance of mindful eating

Once I’ve got the kids to school, I spend the rest of the morning at my desk until lunchtime. I usually break about midday and have a walk around, stretch off and some lunch. Long gone are the days of scoffing a sandwich at my desk without even noticing what I’m eating, while still working!

Nowadays I understand the importance of mindful eating and ensuring I focus on what I’m eating and when I’m full up. One of the things I’ve found with my clients is that they are no longer able to recognise the signs and just eat until they have emptied their plate. Stepping away from your desk and taking time to breathe and relax is also important for you mentally and emotionally in helping to reduce overwhelm and stress.

Rebecca's lunch

Lunch is an omelette (if I haven’t had eggs for breakfast!), a salad with chicken, salmon or prawns or some quinoa with roasted vegetables. I plan all my meals in advance and pre-prepare as much as I can which always helps me make better choices. I take a couple of hours at a weekend or after school to prep veg, chicken, fish, make a healthy cake or muffins and protein balls to keep in the fridge. It saves time, money and stress!

After I’ve picked the kids up, we always have an after school snack (usually oatcakes and hummus, fruit with some nuts or a Nak’d bar if we’re in a hurry). We often go a long time between lunch and dinner and it’s important to make sure your blood sugars don’t crash as this can make you tired, irritable and find it difficult to concentrate. As I don’t normally eat until 8pm I need something to keep me going or I am grumpy mum and just want a snooze on the sofa.

Dinner time

salmon and vegetables

 

Dinner is usually fish or chicken with roasted vegetables, a stir fry or a curry. We’re big fans of the quick and easy option. I also love my slow cooker and use to make big batches of chilli, stews and roasting joints of meat.

For me, it’s all about keeping it as simple as possible, being prepared so I get everything my body needs without it taking over my life, and allowing room for the odd chocolate, glass of wine or meal out!

You can find Rebecca on facebook

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Rebecca for sharing your food day with us and that steady energy sounds great!

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you top tips and inspiration for healthy eating
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

 

 

Healthy eating day 17 – guest blogger Maggie Albrecht tells is why she is a vegetarian

Today’s guest blogger is vegetarian Maggie Albrecht who is a certified NLP Trainer, Coach, mBIT Coach, Advanced Law of Attraction Practitioner and Reiki healer from London.  She is the owner of Life Redefined.

You are what you eat

How often do you hear the phrase ‘you are what you eat’? When I first heard it, years ago, I thought well that can’t be… What? I’m am big old hamburger wandering around? That must mean that every time I eat something, I change, and that doesn’t make any sense. How can eating something change who I am? Well I’ve done a little adapting myself since those days.

I’ve learnt lots (still an infinite amount to continue learning) and realised that yes, we are what we eat. I know if I go through a period of eating lots of sugary stuff or highly processed food, then I’ll really lack in energy afterwards. I feel hungover without the pleasure of having experienced the alcohol!

Why I am a vegetarian

little plant

When I was younger I used to be a vegetarian. 8 years without meat until a fateful girls weekend away in Barcelona when I was 21. Most veggies who relent say it was a bacon sandwich. Mine was a whole chicken, there was even a stunning photo of me, shoving the chicken carcass into my face so I didn’t miss anything. Nice.

Fast forward 18 years and I’ve recently become a vegetarian again. I’m learning so much about energies and how everything is interconnected, that I don’t want to eat meat or fish again. I just don’t want to cause pain. Purely personal, I don’t judge what others eat. Eating another species is survival, I’m not against it, it’s just that I won’t die if I don’t get that steak, but something else will.

Does veganism call? Not sure yet. Will see what happens. The point is, I feel better in myself. Not necessarily because I’m not eating meat but because I’m not feeling bad or have guilt attached to what I’m eating in the same way anymore.

The power of your thoughts

think positive thoughts

You might have heard of Dr Emoto and his water experiments. If not then you can easily find further info online. He conducted experiments with water to show how powerful thoughts were, and how they could change  molecular structure. Part of the experiment was to talk to water in different ways. Some samples were told they were loved, some that they were hated or made a person feel sick.

For the purpose of this article, to make it easier to explain, let’s use the labels good and bad thoughts. The water was then frozen and the molecules studied under a microscope. Those subjected to ‘good’ thoughts were beautifully formed.  The molecules subjected to the ‘bad’ thoughts were all twisted and ugly. For the sake of copyright I can’t show you pictures here, but pop his name into a search engine and check out the images. The differences are astounding.

Now think about the human body. We’re about 3/4 water. What about the foods we eat, whether it’s plants, fruits, animals, fish or vegetables? Bearing this in mind, doesn’t it make sense to be a bit more aware of what we’re eating? The experiences our food goes through before becoming dinner, could affect our energies and our own molecular structure.

Everything is your choice

pancakes smiling on plate

So what can we do? Well you don’t need to give up anything if you don’t want to. It all comes down to personal choice. What you can do is set an intention when you are preparing your food. You don’t have to have studied Reiki or hug trees on a regular basis to flow positive energy through your food. As you prepare it, put yourself into a ‘good’ state of mind, whether it’s joy, peace, happiness, love; you get the picture.

Imagine that feeling infusing into your food (or drink). If you’re out or have not prepared the food yourself, you can give a little quiet thank you for what you are about to eat. Imagine every mouthful or sip making you stronger, full of love or healthier. This is your food, your thoughts; you choose what enters your body and the affect that has. If you’re feeling stressed before you eat, take a moment to calm yourself. The last thing you want to do is pass that energy into your food and then ingest even more stress!

I appreciate this might sound odd (or even very odd), but life is in the experience. Give it a try for a week. You’ve got nothing to lose, apart from maybe some guilt weight.

Maggie is an NLP Trainer and Coach. She encourages women to live life with purpose, power and passion! You can follow her on Facebook at Life Redefined UK. She offers residential (certified) NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner training retreats.

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Maggie for sharing your positive mindset towards food. And everything else!

 

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

Healthy eating day 16 – If you love bread you must read this!

Today’s guest blogger is artisan baker, Carol Hunter from Worthing. Grainwave is Carol’s business and she sells baked goods, including gluten free bread from her home in Worthing and at Goring farmer’s market.

A day in the life of ……… a fairly average (self-proclaimed) artisan baker

The ‘early to bed, early to rise’ maxim has always been in my subconscious, but only became a reality when I started my own business a couple of years ago. That’s when it became a choice thing rather than a struggle. (the ‘late to bed, late to rise’ – student thing  and ‘no-sleep, early rise’ of new-born infant thing were something else entirely!)

So what that means for me these days is starting the day with some ‘overnight oats’ – my own choice of additional nutty, seedy material to some basic bircher muesli soaked in organic soya milk. Fruit – it happens to be foraged blackberries from my own hedge this morning – and half a banana.

In winter it’s porridge – minus the seasonal blackberries – cranberries and grated apple. Oh, and lemon and ginger tea. I’ve taken advice from my Chinese doctor, mentor and well-being guru on the tea. She’s right, it’s a brilliant early morning de-tox. Whatever the season, if I start the day with that kind of combination, I know I can get to lunchtime without deviant snacking!

Soda bread

soda-bread

If it’s summer – which it seems to be for at least three days a week at the moment – I need to get on task immediately after my muesli. Summer is busy for my best customer – a local seafood restaurant – so today it’s early morning slicing and wrapping of the light soda bread ready for lunchtime service.

This is a great recipe and I often make extra for my own bread bin. Easy to digest unyeasted bread made with a blend of organic white and stoneground wholewheat flour. I add lemon juice and zest as it goes really well with fish and seafood plates at the restaurant. At home I just toast it like normal bread and have it with poached eggs, but it’s great with your favourite breakfast spread – honey or nut butters are delicious!

I never have enough eggs!

OK, so far so good. Almost eleven o’clock and seem to have found enough to distract me from any thoughts of food. Namely, a trip to Sainsbury’s for essential supplies – why have I never got enough eggs? I have a very convenient arrangement with my neighbour Zoe; she hands over a consignment of eggs from very happy hens and in return I supply her with organic home-made bread for the weekend … and still I end up at the supermarket making up the shortfall!

After a diversion to buy paint, I arrive home and embark on a small DIY project – painting a couple of tired old chairs. That takes me industriously towards coffee o’clock.

Time to get Zoe’s bread on its first proofing. Today it’s organic malted sunflower seed. I get all my flour delivered from a traditional flour mill in Gloucestershire. Once I tried it, there was no going back. The quality speaks for itself. I don’t make fancy bread, people are happy with a nice wholesome loaf that tastes good with anything – which isn’t that difficult if you make it yourself.

No bloating

48-hydration-sourdough

Pictured 48% hydration sourdough

The key element to home baking is the time you can give your bread to rise properly. All mine is done at room temperature. No running up and down stairs to the airing cupboard, just leave it to do its own thing – which may be most of the day. That way, the bread doesn’t start fermenting again in your tummy, which means no bloating

The last thing I do most evenings is weigh and feed my sourdough starter. This is the science part. OK, I don’t use my own wild yeast in every loaf, but by growing your own yeast, the only thing in your bread dough is flour, water and salt and nothing else! So for my bread it’s’ early to bed, slow to rise’ and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 You can find Carol on Facebook at Grainwave and on her website

 

A note from Honey

Thank you Carol for sharing all your bread insights. I will be along for a loaf soon 🙂

What’s in this blog for you:

  • 30 days of blogs from a variety of people including experts to give you ideas and top tips for healthy eating
  • Free advice and inspiration
  • You can get this blog sent to you every day if you sign up here for my newsletter and you will also get a free relaxing recording

See you tomorrow

Healthy hug 🙂

Honey

Pin It on Pinterest

21 Day Wellbeing Challenge

Has your energy taken a nosedive? Or maybe you can’t remember the last time you felt well. Let me help you. Join the FREE 21 Day Wellbeing Challenge

Fantastic See You In The Challenge